Eating Disorders Support Group

Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

3,896 Members
20,112 Posts
0 Online
Mental Health
/ Eating Disorders Support Group

Meltdown

aedling
aedling
I don't know what it is but I have been extremely off today. This week has been a bit of an emotional struggle in general, but today the tears and emotions let themselves out. On the bright side, I'm 3 days away from two months clean of a lapse, but the emotions have definitely heightened. I feel very alone and stuck in daily thoughts of my body and appearance. I blame myself a lot for being so introverted lately, but its much more comfortable for me to hide away and not be seen, then to be in public and feel ashamed of how I look. I'm disappointed how I have let my emotions take control of my life and relationships. My family tells me how I view myself is different than how others view me, but the thoughts and feelings are real to me and difficult to overcome. I know I mentioned this in my other post, but I feel so unworthy of relationships. I don't want to be seen until I feel like I look good, but then I don't want to have a relationship that is based on looks, so its kind of controversial. Overall, I'm just sick of the everyday over obsessions and anxiety. I know that there might always be a part of me that is concerned with my appearance and self overall, but I would like to get to a point where it isn't debilitating and preventing me from living my life.
josefk
josefk
i cant say i relate to all of that i'm pretty disconnected from myself and my body most the time and don't worry a lot abotu appearance but i do get the thinking u look different than u do part, and i definitely get thinking ur not worthy of relationships. u look like a realy pretty girl i hope you'll recognize that soon.
aedling
aedling
Thank you Josef! That was very sweet! Sad to think how we are sometimes our worst enemies, but everyday is a new day to challenge our negative perceptions of ourselves. It's nice for me to hear from people who understand what I am going through when a lot of the time it feels like I am the only one. Thank you again for the uplifting words and if you ever need anyone to talk to I'm here for you!
kathywonders
kathywonders
I too understand the feeling of your whole life being totally tied up in eating/body image related thoughts and actions. I also know the reluctance to be seen in my state of "imperfection" and wanting to be better looking before I can be seen by others. In my twenties that was my whole life and it seemed there was no way out. Things did change gradually during my thirties and I did get to the point where the whole hullabaloo wasnt an obsession any more. The desire to get over it is crucial and you have that. In my case I also had to take a huge step and move out a "wrong" relationship. For you it may be something completely different. Have you considered psychotherapy? Its hard work but may help guide you in your journey.

I dont know how old you are but in the photo you look young (and as josefk says, pretty) and I hope you will be able to get to the point where your concerns about your appearance and low self esteem aren't debilitating. And I hope your journey will be shorter than mine. I realise I missed out on a lot in my youth and its still challenging sometimes accepting the mental scars of my eating disorders.

Look around and youll see that all sorts of people have friends and relationships. You dont have to look terrific or be model-sized to be accepted.
nifer57
nifer57
Whatever the struggle is, I know that I go through great emotional struggles, but I'm way far behind you in my recovery. I just want to give you a HUGE SHOUT OUT for your progress. So tomorrow will be two months clean...that is SUPER!!!! I hope you are as proud of yourself as I am!!! But I know the feeling of feeling very alone and stuck in thoughts of your body. I am very introverted, and to be honest, I don't even want to be out in my yard for people might see me. I'm so uncomfortable in my body. I do know that the best relationship you should ever have is with yourself, and love yourself. I know that is really hard to do. Maybe with Psychotherapy that would be something to focus on...loving yourself AND your body for what you are.And get out in nature...by yourself, and just let that beautiful feeling of love and light soak in. Absorb it as you are worth it, and deserve it, and deserve to love yourself. Being out in nature is one of the great healers. Hugs to you and I hope that one day you will see that you are a beautiful person inside and out.