I thought I was getting better, and indeed, I was. I gained weight, I was healthy, I was even happy most of the time. But the thoughts are back. I was only okay for so long and I'm back in freak out mode. I want to lose weight, but I know if I start I won't be able to stop and all I can think is you fat ugly hideous cow. No one understands and I can't tell anyone what I'm thinking. I just don't know what to do. I need to lose the weight, but I don't want to fall back into my terrible habits. I think diet and exercise, but that ends up portion control to calorie count to restriction to starvation. I've been there before and I don't want to go back. But part of me is already back there. Any advice? I really need it.
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