Welcome :-) Anorexia is a horrible condition to deal with, as many of us on here know from experience. I'm glad to hear you have a therapist, hopefully she's experienced in ED disorders specifically, as I've found in the past that many therapists who are trained in handling this condition can do more harm than good, however well-intentioned they may be. I know what it's like to have no emotional support, and while in-person support is the most beneficial, I'm really glad you are on here. We all help each other out and this is generally a good group, I've found.

red47640, I appreciate your warm welcome as well as your input. As I mentioned, I do have a therapist. My therapist treats for many conditions including ED. I do deal with other conditions in addition to AN. I have a question. How do you mean that they 'can do more harm than good'?

Hi there warm welcome. As i have not been on here for long i have been a member in the past for many years and its a great support site and i met many close friends on here in the past.

Do you not have any family or friends that may be able to support you if you could share with them what you are struggling with.

i agree with red47640 therapists at times can be more harm than good. I have had a mix some awful and others actually life savers.

I have some family members. However, they fail to understand my health issues even though I have explained. I have other health issues in addition to AN. I had an incident with AN when I was a teenager. I really did not get intervention. My parents and other family members expressed anger and did the 'blame and shame' game with me. I feel they loved me, but they failed to understand. I really did not heal. I am not healed. I am crying as I am typing this. I somehow recouped enough through a weight gain. However, that is not the 'whole picture'. It is only a 'tip of the iceberg'. I proceeded through life and accomplished quite a bit. However, I really never had that much support in my endeavors. I put forth great effort just to 'spin my wheels'. Now, I am dealing with AN again, even though I feel I am dealing with the challenges of recouping from reactivated mono. My PC thinks I am in denial, another feature. Perhaps, I may be. I have done research on my own. I am tired. I have lost motivation. I am retired military. Due to illnesses sustained in service, I attend the VA for those illnesses. I am so grateful for the VA. However, the VA is not focused on ED issues, even though my VA PC doctor had diagnosed me. I use other sources for therapy for the AN. I have not really shared this issue with family members. I do not want to deal with more rejection and blame. I have a few friends. However, they have their own problems and families. I always make great efforts to reach out. I give 'too much'. I need supportive people who do not just call me when they want something from me. I believe friendships need to be reciprocal. I am on good terms. I do not want to lose what I have in terms of friends. I am happy to share helpful information too, as I learn of it. I am good with research, but I am only human. I do not have means to apply it. I have a question. How do I even know if my therapy is even beneficial?

With regards to your family is there not maybe one in particular- for example do you have any siblings- that you could sit down and maybe explain more about it to them now that you understand the disease yourself more and perhaps explain that you need support with changing it. Maybe they would be happy that you have approached them and that you are doing things and wanting to help yourself and that might make it a whole lot different to when you were young. Parents don't seem to understand these things and they panic and respond in sometimes extremely unhelpful ways when you are a child. If you show you are willing to help yourself now and put in the work then they may respond differently. What do you think?

Well that is a hard question. I think it's firstly if you feel they understand you. That is very important in order for you to feel comfortable and be able to open up completely with them. This may take a few sessions so give it a chance. Secondly, if you feel they are helping and if your anorexia is becoming worse or your obsessions are becoming worse. Thirdly, if all the previous points are satisfied then after some time you should evaluate the situation and note whither it has made any positive changes for you and whither it has helped you with the problems you are trying to address and not just making you stuck. Hope that helps xx

When I mention family, I am talking about my siblings. My brother is cool and kind. However, he does not reach out well in matters of emotional or mental health matters. I am not upset with him. I do not think he knows what to do. He is smart in other ways. My sister has more insight into mental health matters, but she is not tolerant. When I said I deal with the 'blame and shame', I am mainly thinking of her. She has fussed at me in recent times for lesser issues. She is sweet in some ways but so strong willed. She believes she understands, but she fails to understand many matters. I am referring to various subject matters. My dad does not deal with emotional matters. My mom is deceased. My husband is deceased. My daughter is busy with her job and significant other. I understand this. She is a young adult. I still try to be there for her. I do not want to bring my problems onto her. She is aware. You can see that my main support is the VA and another therapist too. I found this online support group through my own research. I am grateful for these support systems. However, I really do not have personal support available all the time. I think my VA PC doctor and therapist mean well, but I think they were too quick to diagnose me. Remember I said I had reactivated mono. You probably know how that makes a person feel. From my research about AN, I can understand why a doctor would diagnose me. I deal with anxiety, depression, and other issues too. I tend to be a perfectionist. You probably get the picture. I am in therapy for my other service related issues. The VA advised me to get a scale. I did not even have one. I somehow do not think that was a good idea. I do not have treatment specific for AN. Do you think that would be necessary? I am asking for thoughts. I did see a nutritionist, but she did mostly phone consults. She is on child rearing leave. My other health coverage does not cover nutritionists, etc. As a matter of fact, I have learned that very few nutritionist accept any insurance. I cannot eat just anything due to lactose and gluten intolerance. However, I do eat well of other foods. I manage to do well for a few days. Then, I feel overwhelmed. I often just do not feel well, so I am not hungry. Despite these factors, I did manage to gain a few pounds. Of course, I fluctuate due to not feeling well. While I know treatment for every aspect of AN is important, I feel I need to address the mental health part of it most to get to a 'root'. I am not in an emergent situation from what I can determine. I hope that I do not 'trigger' you or anyone with what I am going to say, but I have to say this. We do not meet in person where we can see one another. My BMI is around 15, give or take some decimals. Again, I appreciate your replies and suggestions.
What do you find most challenging in your situation? Is it difficult for you to eat three meals a day, for example? I asked people, just a few friends and various acquaintances, this question for conversation. No one really seems to eat that way anyway.