I spent 2 months in a residential place being treated for anorexia/ bulimia followed by 3 months of partial hospitalizaton. Treatment ended kind of suddenly due to insurance issue and I went back to seeing my therapist once a week. My therapist does not specialize in eating disorders, but does provide support/help. I relapsed pretty soon after leaving outpatient treatment. Things have gotten progressively worse and I started to lose some weight again. I don't really know that I believe recovery is possible for me. I know a part of this is my depression talking, but it just feels like I am not strong enough. I know that my lack of motivation will only hold me back more, but where am I supposed to find motivation? I have a list somewhere that I made in residential of reasons why I want recovery. A lot of it has to do with being strong enough to do my job which I really do enjoy; however, I often feel like anyone can replace me and hence my contribution doesn't really matter. I feel that way about life. When it comes to other people, I don't put much emphasis on perfectionism, but when it comes to myself, I feel that if I cannpt be perfect then why be at all? Someone else can do better. All of this comes down to me feeling like a failure and thus, not really wanting to seek out recovery because I will only fail and even if I get better, i don't have a reason to be.