I want to first congratulate you on being clean from drugs for 1 year. That is an amazing accomplishment!

Drugs, alcohol and ED's all accomplish the same goal - help us cope with a life that is not ideal. Usually these coping mechanisms are helping us to not feel all those bad feelings. As you say, you had a euphoric feeling when you did drugs and binging gives you that same feeling. I would argue though that you are not necessarily trying to get to that euphoric feeling but rather you are trying so hard to not feel all the other feelings that are going on within you. It's so much better to feel numb or euphoric instead of feeling hurt, angry, betrayed, sad...etc.

With the different diagnoses that you have received I am guessing you are also on medication for them and under a doctors care. If you can't tell your family what is going on would you be able to tell your doctor? Do you have a mentor from when you recovered from drug abuse that you could talk to? I know it's hard to get the words out but I do hope you will tell someone in your life that you are struggling so much. You really shouldn't go through this alone. But, if that really is not possible for you right now then please keep coming here and talking to us. We understand. ((hugs))

Yes, I still have the same mentor and I take antipsychotics and antidepressants for my schizoaffective disorder. But I'm very worried about telling someone about my eating disorder behaviors because when people ask me if I have an eating disorder (because of how thin I am) I deny it and I denied it to my family, friends, and mentor for so long. I don't know the words to say or to start.

I know it's scary to trust people when you tell them because we do live in a very judgmental society. But it seems to me that if people are already asking you if you are OK then they already know you are not OK. They care enough to ask if you have an ED so that shows me that they will probably want to help you heal it.

I am 50 and have had an ED since I was 10/11. It was only a month ago that I told my mother that I've had an ED for most of my life. Her reply? "I know. I had a feeling about it when you were in your 20's but didn't say anything because you were an adult by that time". Not exactly the answer I wanted from her but the point is, she knew. We do our best to hide it but most people do suspect that we have an ED.

The next time someone asks you "do you have an eating disorder?" you could try saying something like "I am struggling with something right now, yes". Or simple just say "Yes" and see where it goes from there.

Thank you. What you are saying makes a lot of sense to me because if someone is asking me if I have an ED they are most likely worried. My mom does notice that I skip meals and I lose control when it comes to eating junk food and the next time she ask me: "why do you skip meals and munch on junk food" I should tell her the truth. My only worry is that she might think I'm using an eating disorder as an excuse but she will probably understand because she sees how my mental and emotional health is effecting my daily life. I can give it a try because I notice that keeping secrets is doing more harm than good.

Good. I am glad you feel you can tell your mother. And if she does think that you are using the ED as an excuse then try to explain to her that you are not. Let her know that you are having a tough time with your feelings and eating/skipping meals actually helps you cope with those feelings. I hope she will be understanding and doesn't think you are using the ED as an excuse.