How DARE he say those things to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I was there I would cut him for you, or at least punch him in the nads. Jerk!!!!!!

(((((((((Sweetheart)))))))))))) ignore your cousin and all other people who may say the wrong things. If they, themselves, do not suffer from ED, then they do not know what you are going through. Their ignorance of all the emotional pain and fear you live with every second of your life does not help them understand. PLEASE, PLEASE listen to your therapist and go into residential treatment. Yes, you have school....but it will be there when you are stronger and healthier. Let go of all the outside worries and focus on yourself and how to heal your body/mind/spirit. Please check your email RIGHT NOW, young lady!, and read what your therapist sent you. I'll stick around the boards for a while if you need to vent, okay?
HUGS and LOVE!

Are you okay?

I agree, a support system is really important. But finding out who that is can hurt sometimes, just like you just experienced with your cousin. Obviously he wasnt the one to confide in, but don't quit trying.
I hope that you didn't hurt yourself over this. I know the urge to punish myself runs really high when someone discounts my feelings. Especially since you let your truth come out and are really vulnerable right now.
Don't ever apologize for posting. Post 20 times if you need to!
You're reaching out which is great! You are a good person, and none of the things he called you. If you'd like to, you can chat with me. It would probably help me to lend an ear.

You cousin is an ignorant ass. If you are surrounded by people like that you do need to go to treatment as soon as possible. Like I said earlier school can wait. Without support you will go under. Please don't hurt yourself.

hmm see if there is a daily outpatient place you can go to? Also private and group therapy? Because the stress of having to leave school might trigger an episode; thats my concern.

Also, you're cousin's being an ignorant ass. Just because someone looks normal and eats doesn't mean they dont have an ED. It means that they could be on their way to one or are hiding it really well and if he can't be there for you in your time of need, you need other supporters instead. This may seem ballsy but heres what i did: I posted about my ED on my facebook telling people that because I cant afford therapy, I need a support system. And you can edit the note so that its only viewable by certain trusted people. Remember, if you need someone to talk to, Im here.

im sorry i didnt reply...i wasnt home and my phone died while i was trying to reply....
pandora: when my cousin was telling me how self centered selfish and attention greedy i was...he wouldnt let me fit a word in...and so i kept quiet but in my head i was dying with rage....i really just wanted to step infront of traffic thats hw bad i was feeeling...i never did a thing to him...ive always been that person who listens so i was shocked and all day hes been fighting me...its like hes pushing my buttons on person...he as telling how people who are sexually abused "passed a certain age 18" are weak and we were arguing back and forth and wen he asked me wat are my sources and i was like i was molested and he was like u see ur soooo self centered always bringing things back to u....we were planning to go to a party to gete insanely drunk but idek if i wanna go with him anymore....idk why i even slept over here.
As for Renfrew i really dont wanna go into residential im not even in denial or something but i really dont need residental..i just need intensive op...im not bad!! :'( i dont know what to do...i go get help and im ridiculed ..i continue with my bad behaviors and im attention seeking...i cant win....i really shud just go away,...not die..just disappear.

Thank youuuu!!

Peanut: thank you ! i didnt hurt myself. but after i just wanted to sleep...like that really hurt ...yeah im soo vulnerable and he took that and hurt me ! thank you so much for offering to talk to me

Karrin: even if i go residential im always gonna come back to the same people. i just gotta go to school finish move out and live my own life. i asked the therapist is i can do iop then if i get worse then ill go ip. thanks for replyingg

Reza: Renfrew is a ED facility with residential being the highest care, then intensive op and then just op...they have group and stufff there so im trying to presuade the therapist to just let me stay in iop. that was very brave of u...if i did that my mom would yell at me cuz she already does cuz her people can see my page and so if they called her and told her what i wrote she would call me the meanest things like ridiculous!!!

i feel worthless!!!!!!!!!!!!

youre not worthless! Everyone has ups and downs. If life only had ups, we wouldn't learn anything and it wouldnt keep us on our toes. Youre strong enough to know you have a problem and you are willing to face it. That alone says something:)

Big reality statement here. I tend to be blunt.....cant finish school if you are dead from ed, right? And you can't finish school or even concentrate if ed is ruling your life. I say take a semester break and concentrate on getting healthy so you can live your life and not just barely survive

Hi Sweetie, hope things have calmed down for you. Sounds like you are in a very stressful and harsh living environment with zero support. You say you need to finish school asap so you can move out...what is your plan for when school ends? Will there be a way for you to move away so you can focus on enjoying your life and becoming healthy without constant criticism and hurtful words being thrown at you every day?

aw thank u Rez

Cee...i totall understand what ur saying but im not close to dying..not at all!! im still over weight..i look healthy nd fine...nd for school as hard as it gets i just study nire,,,ive always maintained a b-a everage. and i dont wanna go to philadelhpia..im in ny...i dnt wanna leave...im gonna come back to the samepeople again anyways. i feel lke ill get worse being around thin girls.

your cousin is completely ignorant!! The thing with eating disorders that others dont understand is that it is a very secretive thing. we will go to extremes to seem completely normal. he just doesnt understand....ignore his ignorant ass!! If your therapist thinks IP treatment will be helpful, than you really should listen to her, as difficult as it may be for you.

the thing with ip is that is that my mom and family are gonna say mean things to me like my cousin did and when they do i just wanna kill myself. if i told my mom that i was gonna take a break from school for a little while so i cn work on my ed shes gonna say that im a disgrace and threaten to abandon me..she knows i have a deep fear of being abandoned. my therapist knew that too and that why closer to the last session she tried her hard to make sure i didnt feel like she was abandoning me ....also too my mom is not gonna come see me or drop me off in philadelphia ...and theyre gonna say i just want attention,..nothing is wrong with me...but im gonna do the labs that the therapist wanted me too and if my health is bad and it clearly looks like i have a problem ill go ip..ll take that break from school cuz then my parents will see that im sick

I think it is safe to say that it is unanimous, your cousin is the biggest jerk and has no clue. He is not supportive but hopefully you are getting support here and your feelings validated.

I totally relate to your feelings about inpatient. I'm not in school but I am a single mom, full time career, etc. How would I go away? yes, I heard all the same reasons, I won't be any good if I am not alive to care for my daughter. Needless to say, I did go to an intense outpatient program and it was great, while I was there. but once if finished, they still recommended inpatient and then wehn I still woudln't go, they told me they could not longer treat me as I was a "liability". so a year later, I am not much better off. I am up in weight from entry but not enough and I am losing again.

I guess what I am trying to say is that go now, put school on hold and get treatment before you end up with a family, career, etc and then feel like a brick wall is in the way of recovery. I too have no support and it really is not anything that you can do alone.

i will seriously think about it and talk to my parents about it...the therapist will call me next week again like she did this morning to talk to me more into ip

I'm weighing the pros and cons about this seriously