Hey, I think everyone on this board knows what you're going through. I gained weight the bad way. I binge ate for 2 weeks straight eating well over 5,000 calories without purging or anything like that. Needless to say I packed on 20lbs...in 2 weeks! This was back in January and I just gained 10 more pounds over the next few months. Then I stabilized out and came to accept my weight...the best I could. But I have to deal you, if you stick it out and just try to think "okay I'm not fat, I'm normal" Get some people around you and let them know you're struggling with your body image. Ask them if you are fat, what they think of your body, etc. If they're supportive of you they'll say you are normal, not fat. Normal is good, that means that you are at less of a risk of serious complications from your ED. Please give your mind time to accept your new body. As time passes you will become more comfortable with your body, and you will experience such freedom that you haven't had for a long time (or in some cases ever).

I'm sounding hypocritical giving advice because I'm slipping up myself. But I have experienced the freedom, sure you still have the thoughts but you fight them and there are times when you could swear you're cured. I mean, hell, you can out to eat and not worry about how many calories are in a meal because you accept that you a meal won't ruin your life or make you gain 10lbs. You can turn off that calorie counter in your head. It does happen!

Please just don't give in!

30 must be the magic number; me too! I posted last week about loving my curves, and I know that as long as I hold it steady I won't get back on the ed express to anorexia. Hang in there. It's a rebound, and sensible eating (HATE that word, makes me sound like your mother/doctor/teacher) is absolutely key.

Best of luck.

thanks for you posts! It's just really hard sometimes to accept my body... I've been eating a decent amount of calories... around 1000 so i feel like I'm making progress. The problem is though that I have absolutely no appetite so eating is such a chore! Usually i can take the green cure but i can't afford that luxury right now! I think it must be the increased amount of zoloft my doctor prescribed. I can't sleep and my appetite is gone...classic depression symptoms mixed with this distorted perception of my body. I guess a mirror can lie!