Please, please get help immediately. Call the Hopeline at 1-800-SUICIDE (http://www.hopeline.com/) You do not deserve to be hurt or to die. You deserve the life you have that will get better the longer you stick with it. Please keep the faith and know it will get better. You have got to find support elsewhere if your mom is going to be such a negative influence. You know she loves you and doesn't want to die. She doesn't realize what affect she's having on you. Please believe that you deserve better and that you will see it if you keep trying to recover.

I just read your journal and I agree with paisley that you should call a suicide hotline or admit yourself to the ER or a mental hospital. No shame in that. Been there done that and am glad to be alive. I can relate to parents who don' t give it shit and you are going through a rough uncertain time in your life. You say nobody cares, but at least your therapist does, right. Can you see her asap?
You don't need to do anything drastic to get help. And one day you will find the love of your life like I did and you will be so glad to still be alive. Try to focus on the future. You are 18 which means at least freedom to some extend ( don't know your circumstances) , Hang in there. Life is worth it.

thank you ladies for replying....i cant call a suicide hotline cuz all my thoughts will turn into words and i will for sure be taken to the hospital...i only have 2 1/2 weeks ok this semester and i can afford to lose credit after almost finishing the worst smester ever. i talked to a crisis person on teenline but that didnt help at all. she or he just asked me questions about what i just said. im in and out the hospital all the time and so im not ashamed or anything. i wish the overdose was a succcess...i really dont wanna be here . thank you ladies for understanding and being nice

Please reread what you're saying. Your grades and school credit are not worth risking your life over. You will have opportunities to do so many more things besides get school credit if you save your own life, but if you don't, getting school credit might be the last thing you ever do. I know you're scared of getting help, but please call the line. They can help you get to a better place. Don't risk your life for something that's so insignificant.

i talking to someone now on here and shes helping me feel better...thank u for caring paisley..i really really appreciate it

I am really glad to hear that you were strong enough to call. This is a good sign. I really hope you get some help and hold out hope. It will get better. Stick to the places you know you can get support, and stay away from the places, people, and situations that harm you. If this site is all you have, we'll be here. Give me a shout if you need.

Hugs,
Paisley

sorry i didnt call i meant talking to someone on ds. HUGS thank u paisley

How are you today? If you're this deeply depressed and want to die then school doesn't mean anything. I know that may seem wrong but really we are talking your LIFE so school can be set aside for a later date.

I hope that you have plan to talk to a professional because you really need to sort this depression out. Not meaning to be gloom and doom but the depression will come back if you don't find the trigger or treat the problem.

(((Major Hugs)))
PS: I've been severely depressed. I've went down the path of hurting myself. It has left me physically and emotionally scarred and I will probably never get rid of the memories. I regret everything that I've done to myself. I wish that what happened to me NEVER happens to anyone else.

I agree with BeccBecc. And please let us know how you're doing. Hope you're still feeling better from your chat last night.

thank you beccbecc....i know my health is more important than school but i really really just want to finish this semester cuz college is college not high school. if u leave college for a while u lose credit and this is a horrible semester for me and to repeat it would be hell....thank you guys for ur support....today i feel blahh...i just wanna sleep for the whole day

I'm to that point also. But, please, get help before it's to late. You don't wanna end up like me: dying from the outside in. I am suffering the long-term affects of having an ED for 5 years. PLEASE, get help!!

Hang in there hun, you're in my prayers.

i am so so sorry that you are struggling right now. i know that place and i know that place during that time of school. please like everyhone is saying to get help asap. my cousin is going through exactly what you are pretty much and her family just came there last week and took her out of school and to the hospital.....school is not worth it, you can always return. does your family know? have you ever screamed out to them for help?

yepp my family knows but dont take me seriously...my mom think i get severely depressed for attention. just because u guys and other people wanna talk to me to make me feel better and i was sarcastic with her and i was like oh yeah i love hating myslf so much i wanna die , not being able to concentrste in school, having hunger pains so bad i cant even move cuz my stomach hurts but still i wont eat...and she was like yeah u do...u want people u go oh honey itll be ok, im here for u. whats wrong with that anyways?

when i lived with my dad i begged him for months to put me in therapy because i was depressed and wanted to die and he told me to just go to sleep and skip school until i wasnt depressed and then when i was on the brink of oding i called this hotline and the lady i was talking to called the police and the came to get me. but still he wouldnt get my meds or give me therapy after that then the state got involved and made it manditory for me to be in theerapy then i got it and then he took me seriously cuz i was slowly killing myself by not eating they say and i actually did try to kill myself. (didnt work:))

my mom told me that she is not having this (mmy depression and need to go to the hospital and suicidalness) she said if im gonna be like that go move back with my dad but thats the last place i wanna go to..ive been hurt so bad there. (mentally.)

im always screaming out for help but no one hears me and if they do thy think i want attention. i miss when i had therapy but ill be in intensive op soon..thats good

I am sorry for your pain you are feeling and the total lack of support from your family. One thing that I want to point out, I have noticed in your comments about school, you want to finish... I see that as hope for you. I really think that if you had given up on everything, you would not care about the class and finishing up. I think that says that you are still willing to keep trying and yoour asking for support here and that is another postive step you are making. Continue to seek help, you don't deserve to hurt.

thank u so much::) yeah school and food are basically wat i have control over...i control whether i study or not just like i control if i eat or not....graduating high school is wat got me out of my dads torturing house. i just need to get out and have my own life and school is my ticket to being on my own. :) thank you for replying again:)