When I was 17, I started to try to recover from my long, long battle with self-injury. It had become (and I guess still is) such a huge part of my life that I found myself unable to cope without it. There was all the stress of college applications and acceptance among other things. And without self-injury I was in control of nothing. I turned to disordered eating as a way to feel in control of at least one thing in my life.
I managed to get it under control on my own after some difficulty. I started cutting again and that helped a lot. I've had a few relapses since, but never anything that I couldn't get under control by myself, which I am eternally grateful for. But I've relapsed again and I've again started trying to recover from the self-injury and I'm not sure I'm in control anymore. Food is starting to take over. I can feel it taking over and I feel powerless to stop it. It doesn't help that my roommate has started restricting her food again recently also. She's a constant trigger and I feel bad for thinking that. I don't know what to do and I'm not sure I want control yet, but I think I just needed to tell someone.