Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
I was doing significantly better for 2 months, 1 week, and 4 days....not great but much better than I have been, and i totally blew it tonight
freaking out bc my P's are coming to visit next week and I haven't seen them since I relapsed (I had 7 yrs of recovery)....they don't know that I relapsed rt after they moved away last yr and they also don't know that there are a bunch of other issues from my past that have come back up (as well as a new diagnosis)and even though I absolutely do NOT blame them for any of this stuff, they most definitely played a role in my ED and their upcoming visit is triggering me
I do truly want to see them and I love them dearly but they really don't understand mental health stuff at all (& I have a counseling degree and have had many many yrs of mental health struggles, and have tried to talk to them about this stuff.... so if they don't get it yet, they are not likely ever going to)....they also don't understand that I have a lot of physical health stuff going on and that it will really limit what we can do while they are here (so that's another reason I am stressed)
anyway, in the past when I have blown by binging/purging one time, then that has kind of opened the gates to doing it repeatedly.....and this time I did not give in to that (at least for tonight)....I called my counselor and left a message promising that I wouldn't b/p any more tonight (I ALWAYS keep my promises.....too bad I couldn't promise to never do it again, but part of keeping promises is that I don't make them unless I am sure that I can keep them)
so I will get thru tonight, although I am really depressed that I blew it and i am feeling sooooo sick rt now.....but I am worried that I will fall bakc into this pattern or just not eat starting tomorrow
freaking out bc my P's are coming to visit next week and I haven't seen them since I relapsed (I had 7 yrs of recovery)....they don't know that I relapsed rt after they moved away last yr and they also don't know that there are a bunch of other issues from my past that have come back up (as well as a new diagnosis)and even though I absolutely do NOT blame them for any of this stuff, they most definitely played a role in my ED and their upcoming visit is triggering me
I do truly want to see them and I love them dearly but they really don't understand mental health stuff at all (& I have a counseling degree and have had many many yrs of mental health struggles, and have tried to talk to them about this stuff.... so if they don't get it yet, they are not likely ever going to)....they also don't understand that I have a lot of physical health stuff going on and that it will really limit what we can do while they are here (so that's another reason I am stressed)
anyway, in the past when I have blown by binging/purging one time, then that has kind of opened the gates to doing it repeatedly.....and this time I did not give in to that (at least for tonight)....I called my counselor and left a message promising that I wouldn't b/p any more tonight (I ALWAYS keep my promises.....too bad I couldn't promise to never do it again, but part of keeping promises is that I don't make them unless I am sure that I can keep them)
so I will get thru tonight, although I am really depressed that I blew it and i am feeling sooooo sick rt now.....but I am worried that I will fall bakc into this pattern or just not eat starting tomorrow
Stress is triggering you and you need to 'work' through this by accepting that you have real health issues and you will need to share these issues with your parents so that all of you are on the SAME PAGE so that the visit can be enjoyed and go well. None of you will benefit from anyone putting up a 'false front'. Simply be honest with your family about your limitations and then work with them to accept this REALITY which is HEALTHY for all of us to do.
They don't have to know about the ED revisiting you if that is something they have no understanding of and you can simply make the visit a time of joy while being honest about the limits on your physical activities on an 'as needed' basis.
This visit will be good for all of you as long as no one puts up a false front and simply faces life as IT IS. If they cannot adjust that is something they have to own and work through and you can only be honest with them about limits on activity when the need comes up to share this.
Focus on everyone enjoying the visit and it should work out. Try not to BORROW problems and focus on making the visit a time enjoyed by all. You can ONLY control you and it is up to them to take ownership of their own behavior and reactions.
Gentle ((hugs)) of support.
Patricia :-)
I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. I completely understand. Please don't think that because you b/p'd one time that its all over. There were several times in my recovery, years apart, that I engaged in behaviors and I felt so down about it and I also was so scared that it would continue because I "broke the streak".
I'm glad you called your counselor right away to gain support, perhaps you can find additional support during this time? Support group, etc.?? I also have a degree in counseling, and I too know many people who really don't understand the mental health thing. Is your counselor giving you any suggestions with how to deal with your parents?? They sound so triggering to you, and the fact that your physical health is not well just adds to everything, I'm sure. I pray that you can get through this, and just remember all the steps you took to get to recovery! Don't ever feel like you failed!
Please keep trying and don't give up!