Eating Disorders Support Group

Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

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Mental Health
/ Eating Disorders Support Group

Holding me back...(triggering)

mybeach
mybeach
I know this is only one of many excuses to hang on to ED, but I have read a lot about people who restrict end up binging once they add food back into their diet. I know that I should eat more, but I am afraid that once I start I won't be able to stop. So, for now I continue to maintain and when hungry and it's not "time" to eat, I c/s.

Also, I am surprised that when I do try to reach out it seems that I get reinforcement for "Ed". I don't want to be a "pretender" as I don't want to have an ED. I spoke with a holistic health provider that I greatly respect and was very open to him about my disordered eating, the very low weight and body fat, lack of periods, c/s, excessive exercise, etc. He told me I was just fixated on c/s and needed to find something else to fixate on and then to eat 1 tblespn coconut oil x day to increase body fat. He seemed little concern about any other damage to my body and told me that anything else would be easily reversed.

Am I crazy... am I looking for a problem where there is not one... you all seem to be the only ones who understand and try to kick me in the butt to get help. Then when I try, my situation is downplayed. Am I just overreacting?
deleted_user
deleted_user
im not sure what c/s is....but I think that not a lot of people take an ED seriouosly, and somethings are not reversible. Permnient damage can occur. Its best to seek help from someone who is educated in dealing with ED, I think. I have been laughed at and told that I am just addicted to my behaviors and to "get over it, its not that hard" Hang in there! So if you feel that there is a problem, there probably is and you are right to seek out for help. Your not overreacting.....just gotta find the right kind of help...
deleted_user
deleted_user
Nothing against your holistic health provider but I doubt he specializes in ED. Your Ed behavior causes damage in all your organs, your brain, your heart, your stomach and so on. When I went IP I was told that the first 5 + pounds of weight gain go straight to repairing organs and they were right, I wasn't gaining any weight on my body. So you do need to take in a certain amount of cals to repair the damage that is already done and after that you can lower the cals to maintain. There is no way you can figure those numbers out on your own, so I hope you see a nutritionist. I have the same fear of overeating but when we are honest with ourselves we can see that that fear is most of the time irrational. I think starving will set us up more for a binge than regular meals and snacks. I hope you can beat this c/s and get into a healthy pattern.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think you need someone who can help you come up with a meal plan that will help you from feeling like you are overeating and may help you from bingeing. Stick to the plan and dont vary. Somedays will be easy and other days you will struglle but it is a starting point. Maybe it will give you something relatively positive to fixate on.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Are you seeing a therapist yet? You really need to get the C/S under control..I think the holistic person is not taking your ED seriously enough and you need a real medical professional.
In all honesty, after reading your journals, I know that you like things all natural and healthy but this is not the time to go that direction. You are doing REAL damage to your organs..I've said it before and I'm saying it again...think of your daughter...and make a dr appointment.
mybeach
mybeach
Thank you all so much for your support. It is experiences with "professionals" that have made it more difficult to admit to having ED. My PCP congratulated me on my weight loss, one therapist I did see recommended I go enjoy some ice cream, etc. I am going to try to find another therapist in my area.

My distortion lies more in that I look good, rather than sickly like others think. Chefjess, you are right, I really need to stop the C/S behaviors. I have to face facts, this is not "normal" behavior. I also have to confront myself... my daughter is at my parents for the night and what do I have planned? A "treat" meal to c/s and I bought other special snacks and I am looking forward to a night in, alone, watch a movie and c/s all night... and I wonder if I have a problem... I am yelling at myself to WAKE UP!
deleted_user
deleted_user
ugh it is so hard to wake up isnt it?? I hate when i go to the grocery store and plan a binge.... all the way in the back of my mind... way back... i say its for the kids but its for me...

I think you need to fight a little harder. make a first step towards recovery. anything, only c/s half of what you bought.... change your mind to not c/s that day... call a friend, play on line, anything to change it....

you can do it
deleted_user
deleted_user
mybeach, I know you can do this....I know you want to. I think you need to start allowing yourself a less restrictive diet. I don't know how much of it is allergies and how much is choice but I think the c.sing is in part b.c you keep yourself from so much. Allow yourself a little of those "forbidden" foods and you won't feel the need to binge on them...start small...just a thought.,...I know it's easier said then done...but I know how badly you want to get well.
mybeach
mybeach
Yazz and ChefJess, thanks again for all of your support. ChefJess, you are right, I do restrict my "allowable" foods and most of what I c/s I would never "allow" myself to swallow. Most is due to the gluten intolerance but a lot is gluten free but just processed. Most is healthy...I just don't swallow to avoid the calories. With c/s, I get to eat and enjoy the taste. This does not make it ok and I know that I need to add more calories into my diet.

I promised myself that after the holidays that I would try to begin reducing the amount of food that I c/s. I have also found that some of the foods that I have been c/s'ing don't taste as good anymore- which is a good thing. I also need to find better use of my time like Yazz mentioned and find other ways to occupy my time and find something else better to do, just go to bed instead of staying up would be a good start! I can do this or should I say stop doing this!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well, if you aren't enjoying the foods you are c/sing, why still do it? I mean I get why..but you know why I mean..here's they thing...You know what you need to do, and you know you need to take steps towards doing it...Lets start small what is one thing you can start TODAY that will help? What is one food that you really enjoy that if you add it into your diet even once a week that you think will help you avoid these c.s binges? You have to know that keeping all of these things from yourself only makes your mind and body want them more...you need to have some balance. I get that you can;t have the gluten but there are plenty of gluten free alternatives. Come up with one thing, and achieve that one thing and then move on to the next...you can do this.