Hi Emily. I am sorry that your mother is struggling so much and that it is affecting you so much. It has been my experience that you can't force someone to face their problems and heal them. Even doing an intervention is no guarantee that the person will heal to the point where they no longer need whatever it is the intervention was trying to stop (i.e. ED's, alcoholism, drug abuse). You can make suggestions, show her you care, support her as much as you are able, but you can't force her to heal.

My best advice would be for you to take care of yourself first and foremost. It may help if you had someone to talk to, such as a therapist, who can help you with how you feel about what your mother is going through. I am sure your mother wouldn't want you to be in pain because of her and I'm sure she would want you to live your life to the fullest - something, it sounds, she may not have had the chance to do. Please take care of yourself and I will pray that your mom moves towards healing very soon.

Thank you for responding LuckyEmpath. I appreciate and respect your response. A lot of people tell me to take care of my myself. It's just hard to. My mother is very toxic, and I know I should just walk a way; hell, I want to. Thats my initial feeling. However, my gut, is telling me to stay and to love her and be with her until she goes. I don't know what I would think of myself if I left NOW of all times, and then she dies. Im all she has.

I understand how you feel. You can still be there for her and be there for yourself. Setting boundaries with her as to when you will see her or when she can contact you will keep you in control of your own time and your own life. For your own sanity, and perhaps safety, it's important to take time for yourself too.

What happens when you live them? Im trying to find a place to live with my boyfriend (eventually will be husband) but until that time comes I am still with my mom... and she might have to come with me to live too because we can't afford any home or hoapital care. Since im the only one living in the same state as her my family believes it's best to keep her close so ai can watch her, help her and bathe her, aa well aa cook for her.

That does make it more difficult for sure. Your dedication to her admirable. I hope she is aware of your sacrifices while you care for her.

If you are in the US she may qualify for Medicare or is it Medicaid, I always confuse the two. Anyway, I know there are different programs you can sign her up for where she can get into assisted living, have a nurse come to the home to.care for her, meals on wheels etc. Some of these programs may be gone because of the current political administration but it would be worth looking into them.

When my mother was faced with caring for her mother she moved her in with her as you say you might do. This actually caused issues with her receiving certain sevices because they said my mother could care for her. It would have been better if my mother didn't take her in believe it or not. It was a terrible burden on my mother as I am sure it is for you.

I wonder about family sometimes. It's very easy for them to say that you should care for your mother when there is no risk of them having to care for her or help you care for her.

Exactly. My father is in Virginia and my twin sister is on the other side of tje country, while my mother and I are hanging in the midwest area. Ill keep that in mind when looking for services foe her. She already tried meals on wheels, and rejected it. She has medicare, however she is telling me they wont help her. ( she never opened her info packet or called these people to ask questions for her benefit.. my mother says she understands the burden and the sacrifice that I'm willing to take, however I think it's a bunch of bullshit in my eyes. I only know that because if she was aware of anything shed be fixing the issues that is drowning her (cigarette smoking, wine, and her ED). In my perspective she shows she doesnt care. And that really irritates me, because she walks around like people owe her a bettwr life, like we all damaged her life..... which is false. My mother lives a great life... and still to this day she can get anything and everything.... but she doesnt. All she does is sleep drink smoke and watch the hallmark channel

I have no patience with people who have the attitude your mother has. I have a brother who also thinks the world owes him something just because we are all blessed with his presence. He has fortunately toned it down. Took a lot too - he had to fall on his butt, become flat broke, etc. before he 'kinda' learned his lesson.

I empathize with you. We all get to that point of "enough is enough" at our own time. My guess is you will reach that point with your mother before she reaches it herself. If, or when, that happens you will take back your life and let her do with her life whatever she wants. We all have choices and right now your choices are to stay with her or leave her behind and her choices are take care of herself or have no one take care of her. The choice of you taking care of her is your choice, not hers and it may take you walking away for her to actually see what her choices are.

I know this is stressful and I'm sure it helps to talk it out with others so please keep coming here and talking with us. You never know who on this board will have some fantastic advice for you. And I can assure you that you will find support here. ((hugs))

I think my biggest fear is shes at the point where he rock bottom is death. God or her higher power and guardian angels have blesses her with many many chances... it would be a lot easier if ai did not struggle with anxiety or stockholm sybdrome or PTSD. I would have walled away years ago. I tend to feel numb in this situation. You are right, my only choices are to stay and help her or shpuld I say enable her, or walk away and let her figure out what her choices are on her own. Im just scared that if she dies my conscious will eat me away if I decide to leave. Idk what I would do or how I would think of myself if she dies because she has nobody to help her function. *sigh* I wish this was a lot more easier then what it is.

If your mother cannot function on her own then please do look into services for her including assisted living establishments and nursing homes. You are allowing a lot of burden to be placed on you - the most of which is "keeping your mother alive". I wonder if that is really what your mother would want for you? I really hope she doesn't.

I dont know what she wants besides to slowly kill herself. Idl what I want at this point, girl. I know I don't want this.

I don't blame you at all. I wouldn't want all that burden either. ((hugs))

Thank you.

Ill update on the sotuation later. It will be continued.