Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
I bped last night!!! It wasa huge one too and I was so depressed I wantedto keep eating until my stomach exploded. I really wanted to die last night, and die of food poisoning because I ate so much. I purged when I realized I wasn't going to die but I was just going to be in pain and unable to follow my meal plan comfortably today (or function for that matter) I did the usual junk food run, then ate 10 protein bars and three bowls (more lie buckets) of fiber one cereal. FIBER ONE IS GROSS ON A BINGE!!
Why did I do it? It all started when I needed smokes and I had to go to the store for them. I asked hubby to go and he said he was tired of treating me like a kid and I should go by myself. I walked to the car saying ok you are full from dinner, too tired to purge, just get some cigs and gum because really, you cannot purge tonite.
ED came in and said, well you are going to do it this weekend anyway, might as well get it over with tonite so tomorrow you can be free. I fought it saying I was so tired, he persisted. I gave in. The store binge was small, 6 cookies, 4 twinkies (also disgusting) and a suzy q. Wow it looks big, but itwas small to me. Then I went home and I felt so empty inside that I ate all my protein bars. Then I waited my husband found out and yelled at me so I ate 3 bowls of cereal, I tried to eat more but I was in a lot of pain. I was crying and panicing and my husband was yelling at me. I finally calmed down, and I didn't want to purge, but I had to because it hurt so bad.
I wanted to die last night. Today I feel better but I feel like My husband hates me and I have no friends and I am soooo alone. I have noone!!!!! No one cares about me!!! I don't have anyone to call and no way out. Iwant to recover but I also don't want to live because All my life is misery. Last night I was thinking of who to call because I was so depressed and I had no one. I just don't know what to do.
Why did I do it? It all started when I needed smokes and I had to go to the store for them. I asked hubby to go and he said he was tired of treating me like a kid and I should go by myself. I walked to the car saying ok you are full from dinner, too tired to purge, just get some cigs and gum because really, you cannot purge tonite.
ED came in and said, well you are going to do it this weekend anyway, might as well get it over with tonite so tomorrow you can be free. I fought it saying I was so tired, he persisted. I gave in. The store binge was small, 6 cookies, 4 twinkies (also disgusting) and a suzy q. Wow it looks big, but itwas small to me. Then I went home and I felt so empty inside that I ate all my protein bars. Then I waited my husband found out and yelled at me so I ate 3 bowls of cereal, I tried to eat more but I was in a lot of pain. I was crying and panicing and my husband was yelling at me. I finally calmed down, and I didn't want to purge, but I had to because it hurt so bad.
I wanted to die last night. Today I feel better but I feel like My husband hates me and I have no friends and I am soooo alone. I have noone!!!!! No one cares about me!!! I don't have anyone to call and no way out. Iwant to recover but I also don't want to live because All my life is misery. Last night I was thinking of who to call because I was so depressed and I had no one. I just don't know what to do.
Do you have any close family members or friends that you can talk to? You say that you are so alone, but there's got to be SOMEBODY out there that you can talk to. It's important to develop a support system, because no one can beat this disease on their own. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you, and you can find the strength to fight off any urge to binge/purge. Good luck, hon and don't give up. Recovery IS possible. xoxo.
Your husband treated you awful and I hope this is the exception and not the rule. Nobody deserves to be demeaned like that. If he is usually that unsupportive and hurtful, he is probably a big reason for your ED and you should seek marriage counseling.
I hope you are seeing a doctor and a therapist to get support. If not it is big time to start. I think going IP would be a blessing for you. I went to Kansas City for IP and the doctors and nurses were so loving. I have never experienced that kind of support and my husband has been very understanding for many years. So think about this choice. You could recover and find the love and happiness you deserve.