My name is Mike and I have an eating disorder.

I binge/purge cyclically

It looks like I may be going back to work soon and that means I'll be in camp away from my friends and family for two week stretches. Feeling lonely is of course a big trigger for me, and it stimulates my craving for sugar. That sensation of having a knot in my guts freaks me out. I know where it leads.

Generally I start obsessing about sex. Then that wears off and I start to feel lonely and isolated. Now i'm f....d. I begin to believe the self talk that says i'm pathetic and will never be loved by, or be able, to love a women. The talk says that intimacy and even true friendship, is beyond my capabilities. 

Now the cravings begin. I'm back with my head in the toilet. Thats not satisfying enough and I'm now feeling hopless and wishing that I had never been born. I may as well go all in and crack out. At least I'll get to feel pleasure again before I die( this is what i tell myself).

I don't feel afraid to die, but the thought of going back to sticking my finger down my throut, does not appeal to me, to say the least.

Just venting some concerns and putting myself out there to the universe!

Have a grate day.