Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
I have been on and off binging and purging for one year now. It's taken control of me. It consumes my mind, whether it's what I'll eat, how I'll work it off or why I can't stop sometimes. I feel weak because I tell myself every time it will be the last time. I'll be positive and try new methods to distract my mind but I always fall into it the moment I am around food. No self control. Then I beat myself up for eating and puke to try to maintain my body weight and image. I'll exercise like crazy just to keep my body at a constant level, however I am gaining weight now. I try to hold back from purging but sometimes my body is too conditioned and I feel sick for hours. No one knows this about me and I'm too ashamed but I know I need help. I can't afford professional help so I came here. I apologize for the rant. I feel for anyone with eating issues and will take any tips,advice or personal stories for help. I appreciate anything.
I have learned that ED's are coping mechanisms we use when feelings become too strong. This often happens when, at some point in our past, expressing our feelings became unsafe to do. So we keep them inside and ED's are a way for us to prevent the feelings from coming back out.
ED's are not about a lack of self control and are not about a lack of will power. They do not indicate any weakness on your part either. ED's are coping mechanisms that worked for us at one time but don't any more. For me, I had to learn how to feel again. I had to sit with my feelings and figure out 1) which feeling was which (it can be very confusing) 2) allow myself to feel them 3) allow myself to express them safely. It was by doing this that I was able to start expressing my feelings rather than trying to bury them by bingeing or starving.
I am not sure if you are in the U.S. but if you are many states will have some type of state program that provides mental health services. It may be worth it to look into that so you can start therapy. ((Hugs))