Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
Hi friends. My weight has always been yo-yo-ing. In the past I have restricted my diet, obsessed about exercise and eating healthy, and binged and purged. Last year, I lost a considerable amount of weight while developing the healthiest relationship to food I have ever had. But in the past months, I had a major increase in stress and now I can't stop bingeing. I have gained back most of the weight and I feel miserable and hideous. I thought my weight loss was a lifestyle change and a step in the right direction. I fell off the wagon so easily, and the weight came back even easier. Every day I tell myself I'm going to eat healthy. But when I try, I start obsessing and then I just binge. I feel like I'm not entirely conscious while I'm doing it. It's so hard to break the habits. I feel like no one understands what I'm going through, and I push people away. I'm here because I need help and I want to stop abusing myself.
If you want to know more about me, I just wrote an introduction in my journal.
I did read your journal and you mention several traumas in your past that I am guessing you have not worked on healing just yet. ED's and many of the things you mention in your journal are coping mechanisms used so you don't have to feel. This means that at some point in your past it became unsafe to express your feelings. Based on what you said about your family environment I would guess this was true for you. It is very difficult to hold in emotions which is why people turn to food, starvation, alcohol, drugs, etc. These are all coping mechanisms that worked in the past but eventually they catch up with us and are very unhealthy.
It sounds like you did a great job managing your food and exercise for a year and did so in a healthy way. You should be very proud of that accomplishment. And if you have done it once you will be able to do it again. Healing your past may help you fully heal the ED and the other coping mechanisms you mention in your journal. I would urge you to start working with a therapist. Everyone approaches their healing different. I healed the traumas in my past which made it easier for me to heal the ED; others heal their ED and then focus on healing traumas and others work on them in tandem. It's whatever works for you - but please do consider working with a therapist. You can heal your past traumas and you can heal the ED. You deserve to fully heal so you can enjoy your life.
Jen