Don't be too hard on yourself...get back up, brush yourself off...we all fall down just don't stay down. I too recently got out of an abusive relationship and it's hard for me to love myself now after being told what was wrong with me for so long. I'm trying though...keep trying.

Zinnfinity, firstly congrats on not engaging for so long in the ED behaviours! Celebrate this huge victory.

Slips happen and usually have a very clear trigger. It has been a painful and stressful time I'm sure for you regarding the ex-boyfriend. Please be kind to yourself, accept you're just human and therefore are never going to be perfect. When we fall down it hurts but we can dust ourselves off and get back up and keep going. You can do this because you've done it before.

I have pretty good recovery now but when a slip happens because I've been triggered with inner pain etc I feel sad and it would be easy to focus on the "failure" but I've learnt this does not help.
I dust myself off mentally and get right back onto my recovery eating plan the very next meal. We can't change what we've done but we can change what we do now.

Hope this helps. Abuse in your background (as in mine and yours) has caused deep rooted self-hatred and shame, and it takes a long time to heal from this. Don't give up. You can do it! :)

Kim x

I have come a long ways towards recovery, but I slip into behaviors still. Rather than taking the advice of my doctors I try to do things my way and it turns out my way isn't working so well. I don't have a lot of advice, other than you have done remarkably well and should be proud of yourself. One slip is just a reminder to continue to do what it takes to stay healthy. And it sounds like you know how to do that. Don't get discouraged. Just keep on fighting and know you're worth taking care of. Its so much easier to see in others, lol. Hang in there.

Thank you all for your support and wisdom.

Xoxo

I am in what I hope and pray is the deepest part of where my ED will lead me, so reading your post gives me hope that I can also recover -- do not fear that all is lost! As others said, we all have relapses/fall down with really anything in life, and I imagine ED is one of those things many of us will always have to acknowledge as a part of ourselves we must be aware of.

I personally feel the most hope when I am with my friends and doing things I enjoy. It reminds me there is a world out there and people that I love outside of vomiting alone in my apartment. Which person do I want to be, I try to ask myself. I want to be that happy, radiant (can't be radiant hanging over a toilet) person surrounded by loved ones. Have a vision perhaps of you at your happiest (and this "vision" may be from your eyesight - focus on your surroundings, not your appearance).

Again - I say these things acknowledging I am in a personally terrible place with my weight and health, so take it all with a grain of salt and also recognize that I KNOW how hard it is to follow this advice that is so easy to give.