Eating Disorders Support Group

Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

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red47640 07/03/2016

I wish I could just be stupid like everyone else... I wish I could just follow the trendy train of thought without questioning it. I wish I could just be content with every idea that fits the status quo, such as it is. Sometimes I think happiness is associated with stupidity, other times I think it's more about an understanding of what you can and can't change and being comfortable enough in your own skin to accept that and be your own person regardless. Both are equally hard for me. My EDs have been terrible lately-- I have felt sick every time I eat something, also I'm very very tired all the time. I can't stop obsessing over food and my body and the shame that accomanies both. I need help very badly in this area, but there are almost no resources here in my town-- actually my counselor appealed to her boss at the mental health center and asked if they would pay for a $1500 training course that she could take to learn how to counsel the large number of people she sees that have EDs. The center refused, apparently they said it's not a big enough problem here in Fort Collins! My network has absolutely NOTHING in the way of EDs, and the center where I used to go only accepts my insurance for their IOP program. Yeah. I work, thanks very much. Also even if it covered strictly outpatient services, I don't know how much my specific plan would cover, it being the cheapest one that is offered. I want hugs, I want friends, I want people who understand what I'm going through. And I have none of that here. I'm not liberal, I'm not trendy, I'm not a snob, I'm a tired, stressed, probably sick 30-year-old who is close to giving up hope. I would love to move to Indy right here and now.

5454Mariposa 07/05/2016

There is a book called "How to Live Well with Chronic Pain and Illness" by Toni Bernhart. She has a whole chapter on the function of Anger and what she calls "foul moods." She says what really helped her was an exercise she learned from Byron Katie... When you are filled with rage, you are supposed to ask yourself what you actually LIKE about the situation that is causing the anger..... So - if I am angry at myself for eating like I have not been fed in 4 months, the think I LIKE about it is the taste & texture of the food, the feeling of satiety, the feeling of loosing control, the feeling of stopping time. And then when I look at the answers, I can ask myself WHY I am so needy this way and If there is anything constructive I can do to change things....

Well.... It IS "interesting...." I am not so sure it will work. LOL.

5454Mariposa 07/05/2016

OH - if you move, come to Brooklyn. Then we can BOTH be untrendy together.

eschomp 07/05/2016

The feeling that you don't fit in to your community and that you're fighting this battle alone can't help the anxiety which reinforces the ED. My college is also ill-equipped with good ED counseling and it's difficult seeking support from loved ones that don't really understand how scary or bodies and calories can be to us. It's not a simple means of, "hey just eat more and put weight back on!" It's scary to re-feed. It's like asking a rape victim to go into a room and just give her rapist a hug.

I honestly like online community support better than therapy because it's easier to get support and advice from people who've been in your shoes. Keep posting here! As for physically needing in-person support with eating I don't know who you have in your life who is close enough to help you.

Don't force yourself to make friends with bitches and hoes that you don't like. It's not worth it to sacrifice who you are as a person to charm up to people who judge and belittle you. Keep putting yourself out there in different communities in town though. Chances are there's other people who feel like outsiders closer than you may think!

Honestly, I don't think ED counseling is that amazing anyhow. Much of it is telling us what we already know: How to identify irrational thinking about ourselves and how to feed ourselves properly. Maybe see if you can connect with those other people your councilor sees,if hey are willing.

Take up a mindfulness hobby. Some people like to journal, others like to paint. Some people knit, some people take walks with pets. Have some time to reflect with yourself when food and mirrors aren't there to throw you off.

You're in my thoughts. Please remember we are here for you!

CityandColour 07/06/2016

I'm sorry that you feel alone. Please know that here you aren't alone, we are all here to help and listen. I've send you a friend request... don't feel pressured into accepting it, just know you aren't alone

red47640 07/06/2016

Thanks cityandcolour, I did accept it ☺ eschomp, I think you've got something there when it comes to ED counseling-- when I went to an ED clinic, the most beneficial type of therapy for me was the group sessions-- being around people who understood and could relate to what I was going through. Because let's face it, most ED counselors haven't had EDs, the ones I've worked with are considerate and admit they don't have personal experience although they've gone through the training for it, and they are open to me educating them on what it's like, but sometimes that's simply not enough. 54Mariposa, thanks so much for understanding-- I actually spent my first college stint at a school in NYC

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