Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
Hi all. Not sure why I decided to write again but feeling kind of lost. All last week I was very sick with the flu. Starting Saturday I started feeling more "normal" again. Since I literally didn't (and couldn't due to nausea) wat anything all week, ED loved it. It was like I had a real reason to not eat and it be acceptable. Needless to say, the past 2ish days have been bad. Last night eneed horribly with a lot of binge/purge cycles ended with a very long workout. I gave in to all urges ED threw my way.
I haven't seen my therapist in a couple weeks due to being sick and scheduling conflicts. I dread every time I have to go - even though I do feel better afterwards usually. I just don't know what to do anymore... I don't want to live like this any longer, But I don't know how to keep going long enough for anything to be worth it. All my behaviors are stronger in magnitude and I'm exhausted from fighting. I don't want to fight anymore.
It took me a long time to realize that weight loss was not the prize at the end of illness. It is still something my mind goes to whenever I lose weight do to illness. The difference is that now I am at a point in my healing where I don't relapse after.
Relapse, as hard as it is, is a natural part of recovery and healing. It's a setback and nothing more. It is not failure and nothing to be embarrassed about. What matters now, once the setback has happened, is how you move yourself forward. Start small and climb your way back up. You can do this. I know you can.
It can be a real drag going to a therapist but it is so helpful. Please do give your therapist a call and make an appointment ASAP. You deserve to heal. You deserve to rest from the fight. Please call. ((hugs))
My emotions have just been all over the place lately and they're so hard to manage at times. I've pretty much been isolating myself from everyone as much as possible. I just don't trust myself when I'm around others. Especially when food/triggers are around.