Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
I have been struggling lately. My vacation was fantastic, but when I got back the good things carried over to a point, until I got really stressed out again and then things went back to being mediocre. (Like me being super aware of everything I'm eating and feeling the need to move all the time to burn calories). Anyway, I went to my dietician and psychiatrist on thursday and had HORRIBLE appointments. I had been at a healthy weight, then I got to be more active and consistently lost weight. So, I am now at an unhealthy weight (i don't think it is, but i know thats ed talking). My dietician was not happy because I gained only 0.2 lbs. in 3 weeks which she said was NOTHING and completely unacceptable. My psychiatrist decided I seemed much more guarded and controlling again. Well, yeah, I have 5 freaking weeks of my senior year of high school left, I'm just a LITTLE stressed!!!! Then, omg if I were 18 I'd SUE, but unfortunately I am not so I cannot for what happened next. Both members of the treatment team called my mom and told her I was not in a good place and that she and my dad should pull me out of the musical I have been rehearsing for for months. Did I mention I know the whole show, all the dances, and everything is staged for the most part because it opens in 2 WEEKS?!?! I am just so upset, I've either been super emotional or completely non-responsive. I'm a wreck--I cried myself to sleep, curled up on a couch at SCHOOL. That is reeeaaaalllllyyy bad for me to lose it at school b/c i tend to be able to fake it in front of others for a long time even if I've crumbled on the inside. I've also had 3 panic attacks at school this WEEK. This musical was the light at the end of my tunnel for soooooo long and now it's being snatched away and I feel so shocked and hopeless. What's the point of trying to get better if all these wonderful things I love never actually happen like they are supposed to? I mean, if I can get by living like this, then why try to totally get better when shit like this can happen for the rest of my life? That sounds really sucky to me, and like a waste of energy....
Sorry this is depressing, I'm just so lost and unmotivated and upset at myself....I feel like I should so be OVER this already and I'm clearly not and I just feel like a constant failure....
Sorry this is depressing, I'm just so lost and unmotivated and upset at myself....I feel like I should so be OVER this already and I'm clearly not and I just feel like a constant failure....
But overall something needs to happen because why would you be satisfied to just get by living like this. There is a difference between just being alive and living. Life is full of emotions, energy and joy and you should experience all that not just put on a mask and go through life like a zombie. You deserve so much more. So please take your treatment team's concern seriously. Have you thought about going IP after finishing your senior year.
I'm sorry things are so difficult right now...
You definitely don't deserve to be feeling this way. If you truly want things to change though, you have to accept some help and face up to some of the demons. Your family want to help you, but you have to want to help yourself also.
I understand the stresses of your final year. It's horrible. But without a good health, you won't be able to achieve anything, so try and think rationally and practically.
I'm not trying to take your parents side or preach to you, I just want you to be ok... I'm sorry this isn't really coming out well...
i agree, pulling you out of the musical is not helping matters.
i don't believe in taking away something someone has such passion for, yet it sounds like you're in a serious spot with the ednos. as blues said, talk to your folks and see if something can be worked out.
the eating disorder is not going to go away on its own. i've lived in denial with mine far too long, and missed out on countless opportunities in life due to my thinking. life is full of stressors that constantly trigger disordered eating. i highly encourage you to seek as much treatment as you can, but you need to continue to do things that bring you true happiness as well. balancing both is an important key. the eating disorder has a mind of its own, it will rob you of everything in life if it's not taken seriously. you're not a failure by any means. it's the disorder, not you. trust me!
keep posting here.
meadow