I saw someone's earlier post about not being sure she wants to recover...I feel the same way. I don't want to purge anymore bc I am afraid of heart problems etc. But I am still struggling with body image and I am also just as afraid of putting on weight. I still excessively and inconsistently restrict calorie intake. When I feel like I eat too much, while aware that it's not actually enough compared to healthy people, I still resort to purging.

I am still unhappy with my body shape. I can't seem to stick to any exercise regiment and hardly exercise at all. 

I think this has gotten out of hand. I don't want my kids to figure this out about me. I can't imagine my kids going through this, having been introduced to it by my example. I need to stop this before they become aware. I've been frustrated bc there seems to be no support that is outpatient in my area. I called a recovery center and they said treatment usually involves a hospital/institutional stay. I plan on never telling my family about this, so that won't work. I don't know what else to do but find some online support. I currently feel completely alone with an enormous responsibility. I don't know if I can successfully stop this on my own, especially when my fear of gaining weight is as strong as my desire to stop this. I don't know what to do.