I had a bit of an eye opener these past couple of days. On Thursday my stair stepper broke. I almost panicked. I was on the phone immediately with the manufacturer to see about ordering another, I went to 3 different stores and purchased comparable steppers. None of them worked and it would take 5-7 days for a new one to arrive. I have "fixed" it and have not stopped my usual cardio for even one day. I woke up Saturday, weight down again, past where I had told myself I would not let it go and I just told myself that I wouldn't do cardio this am or that I would not use the stepper and just do my usual bike and weight routine. But then I felt like I could panic, I just could not wrap my mind around taking it "easy". Currently I burn more calories then I consume and the thought of not burning all those calories made me feel horrible. It scared me. I reduced enough to make it even but just couldn't consume more then I burned. I know I have issues but then today, I woke up refreshed powered through my workout without feeling guilty and didn't care that I didn't reduce anything. I have days where I know that I need help and I almost called my parents and my one friend. But I didn't and just waited for the feelings to pass and they did. Now I feel fine again even though obsessive behaviors are still there. Can anyone relate to the huge swing of emotion? I know that I shouldn't be "happy" with my wt loss or my ED but today I am. I can't open up to anyone when I feel good... does this mean I am not "ready" for help, how do you force yourself to get help?
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