i definately get this. i tried to talk about this in therapy but it was hard to explain. My ed feels part of me, and such a massive part of my life. it has been there for me for so long even when others weren't. Like my worst enemy and my best friend all wrapped up together. I haven't let go of mine so i can't say i miss it, but i worry about what i will do without it

Yes I can totally relate to what you're saying. I also "miss it" when I am not bingeing or purging. Maybe because it has been such a big part of my life for so many years....I don't know. I haven't let go of my ed completely either although I am overall doing much better with the frequency. I also miss weighing myself and seeing the number go down (haven't stepped on a scale in over a year which is a miracle for me!!)

Yes, I agree with the other two ladies: I still feel like I need certain behaviors. I think ED definitely serves a purpose in our life, or we would keep doing it, or wouldn't have done it for so long before recovering.

But congratulations, candyx, for your hard work and recovery! When you miss ED, try to think of all the ways your life has improved without him. List them on paper and read them to yourself over and over again, if you have to, and use this to fight.
I do this when I miss seeing the # on the scale go down, and sometimes it doesn't help, but sometimes it does. :)

Yes, I go through these spells as well. Like now, I'm eating pretty healthy, one good meal a day, which is big for me! I miss the hunger pains, the empty feeling in my stomach.... I do miss that sometimes!!

yeah i get those feelings! im glad im not alone. its so tempting to just try and do it and go back, hah i did last week.
x

Oh yeah, all the time. I miss restricting hardcore. But then, I remember what I don't miss and it makes me feel better. Like I'm doing the right thing, which I am.

I miss Ed all the time, but not the weeks before IP when I was on my deathbed. Please keep up the good work.

Yes, I do seem to miss at times. at strange times. I have lived for awhile in stable recovery. however, I get these distortions of thought that hit at any point. an off handed but innocent comment from someone or seeing something somewhere. There is a comfort and familiarity. I am sorry, I lost my thought. anyway, I do identify. and it is a life long recovery.

Thanks so much for your feedback everyone! It's so comforting to know I am not alone in these feelings. It seems so irrational to miss somethin that made me so miserable, but at the same time it reminds me that it did serve a purpose at the time.
Howeer een in my darkest moments when I am stressed and miss my eatibg disorder so much, I never entertain turning back down that road even for a second. That first time was enough to show me it is not the way to cope! X

oh yea, its like a high almost, that feeling of being almost nonexsistant. I was made fun of by my doc when I tried to explain how I felt, and he just laughed and made rude remarks. I dont go to that doc anymore either! He was a jerk...