Eating Disorders Support Group

Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

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whitefingers 03/20/2009

My daughter is rubbing holes in her wrists. She's 17. I've known about it for over a year. She's also been dangling her little leopard-print ballet flats over the precipice of an eating disorderNOS. Experimenting. Hating her beautiful curves. I've known about this for 2 1/2 years. But I was numb, and in denial, and wrapped up in my own sickness. I'm working so hard to overcome 30+ years of alcoholism and bulimia, because I think it will SAVE HER. It's like a deal with the Devil, it feels like sometimes, like a pound of flesh or something, like I'm sacrificing my anonymity, my secret, my coping mechanisms, and in return, my daughter will be spared.

Rationally, I know this isn't the case. I know she will benefit from having a healthy, honest, REAL mother, a mother with all her FACULTIES. And THEN she will be saved, right? RIGHT?

God, I hope so.

deleted_user 03/20/2009

hey hun, im so sorry that you and your daughter are both fighting this horriable disease. you are right, if you fight to save your self then you can fight to save your daughter. the best gift we can give our kids is a healthy mom, so please get the help that you need and get her the help she needs. when she sees how you are fighting to get well she may be inspired to get help herself.
you are in my thoughts today....

deleted_user 03/20/2009

both my parents were addicts, addicted to different things....

while they did pass this along to me, they also passed on the knowledge that getting help is possible...

when it was my time, I sought out therapy and got help...

i hope you can do the same...

deleted_user 03/21/2009

Sounds like you're on an airplane and two oxygen masks have dropped in front of you. It's a sign that something bad is about to happen if you don't take action. Remember that you need to put yours on first, then you are better able to assist others. I'm glad you're facing this battle, but remember that you have to do it for yourself first. If your deal with the devil is broken I'd hate to see you give up, like it was all in vain. Doing it for yourself will be a great example for her. Wish you both the best. xo

deleted_user 03/22/2009

Okay, so 1): Can you tell that Gab works as a stewardess (sorry if that isn't the proper term!) for an airline? ;) 2) I use that same example, but basically, to help others, you truly must be helping yourself first. 3) But yeah, seriously, GAB IS SMACK-DAB ON THE MONEY! And she gets it too, and she has her own children who are around your daughters age (a little older).

In my own experience, I've found it extremely frustrating and saddening to have my mother nag and badger me to "get into recovery because you'll die!" Why? Because she has struggled for decades with her weight, up and down and up and dow, as well as with the adjoining ED behaviours. She hides behind the excuses of "oh well, I'm too old, and I don't purge like you do, so it's not that bad! I'm a normal weight!" but honestly, the fact that I know my mother is in such horrible emotional pain is enough to send me into fits. No one wants their parent to hurt, even if you don't have a good relationship with him/her. Not only this, but the way she literally HATED her body while I was growing up never, EVER allowed me to have a relatively normal sense of body satisfaction or acceptance. Her body "wasn't good enough" and neither was mine- and if I kept eating normally, I'd end up like her ("fat and miserable").

Anyway, that is just my perspective from the kid's view. I didn't type it to make you feel bad, but only to help you understand what she may be thinking.

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