Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
I don't really know where to begin. I was diagnosed with an eating disorder in 2013 after getting really sick. I've been in and out of treatment (outpatient) from 2013-early 2018. My friend forced me to recover. May family was oblivious and didn't notice how sick I had gotten. She then moved in with me due to family reasons of her own. She has always been the one to encourage me and push me and force me to eat. But as we get older and I start to spend more time on my own, and with me definitely moving out on my own within the next year or so... i'm realizing that as soon as i'm alone, all of my behaviours come back full blown. Self-harm, skipping meals, alcohol, deep depression. I can't tell if i'm excited to move out on my own so that I can just be left to finally get as small as i've always fought for, or if i'm worried...
I'm sorry you're suffering. Since you've been in treatment, I'm sure you know that no one can do the recovery work for us; we are ultimately the ones who have to do it. It's important to have support, and I'm glad you have your friend, but it seems that you may need/want more support than what you already have to heal. I understand where you're coming from; I too feel like I need more support and it's often hard to find consistent motivation. I too get deeply depressed. This illness is miserable. Do you think you can get back into treatment? Do you have an outpatient treatment team? If you're thinking about continuing behaviors when you move out on your own, maybe moving out is not the best idea yet....
I no longer have an outpatient team. I had one for a while, and then they let me go because they basically said I was not succeeding with their program and was not ready for it.. so they left me on my own to get worse essentially... I guess the problem is, I'm sort of excited to be on my own and be free to get as bad as I can get... and I can't tell if that's a good thing or a bad thing... every part of me wants it