I have struggled too, I know how hard it is, but you can do this! You are so strong. You are amazing and you have gone through so much. I understand it all, you can get through this.

Please know that you can talk to me about anything. I am here for you.

I can’t make it through though. Sooner or later I will end up killing myself.

I’m so sorry. I too had a trauma trigger really mess with my eating patterns. Please don’t kill yourself, dear, what a tragedy that would be. If you need to talk to someone urgently try a crisis line (here are some: http://www.nowmattersnow.org/help-line, my favorite is the text line but that’s for the U.S.) and if you really can’t stay safe please consider going to a hospital or calling 911. I know it seems ridiculous for me to ask you to stay alive when life is so hard but please, hold on, for us, for you. I’m not sure if you’re saying you’ll kill yourself by not eating or by some form of violence but either way I really encourage you to contact a crisis line or get help. Things can get better. Maybe they won’t ever be perfect (no ED at all), though maybe they will. Whether the ED goes away or not the symptoms can lessen. Please don’t make a permanent choice to end your life because even though it feels like it I really don’t think you will feel this miserable for the rest of your life. EDs, like all mental illnesses, are usually like waves, at least for me. The intensity rises and falls. During the calm time in between things will be better and you will remember why you fight. You’re in a wave right now, I think, but please ride it out.
I too wanted to die. The only reasons I stayed were my faith, family and friends, and meds, really. And maybe a bit therapy.
Please hold on, I’ll pray for you if that’s alright. Feel free to message me if I can help.

I hope you read question's response and called a crisis line. Please do reach out for help. If you are working on healing from the trauma with a therapist - please at least call them and explain how much you are struggling. Praying you get through this difficult time safely.

tallgirl-- I responded to one of your other posts and from that response, you probably see me as a total bee-yotch. I am so sorry you had a major trauma, and I've done what you did as a response too. Didn't help me though, andyou wouldn't be so remorseful over it if you didn't realize how damaging this lifestyle is. That's the problem with eating disorders-- they suck you in until you feel you can't get out. And then when you actually have the strength to try and get out, they twist reality around so that you don't, instead you get sucked in even further. Do you have any support services? Therapist? Friends or family who might be able to help, or at least listen? I don't know you or what you've been through, but I've been where you are. That's why I want you out of there. Please get help ASAP. Thinking of you and hoping you are safe.