I don't know what it's like to be a part of your family and cultural heritage, but I do know that you're not alone. I think that most everyone feels like no one in their family/friends circle "gets" their eating disorder. I think that your feelings of wanting recovery after losing the weight is normal too, though extremely problematic. As you probably know, ED's don't have a limit. 20lbs of weight loss wouldn't be enough. I really recommend you seek help ASAP to prevent a relapse. Hang in there!

You know how many times I've thought "I'll get to *extremely low weight here* and then I'll recover"? ALOT! And I've actually lost the weight. What happened? It was so miserable. When I got to that weight I wanted to go lower and lower. And the more weight I lost the more I DIDN'T want to recover. So even when I think that now I have to listen to the rational part of my mind. That's not how EDs work, we don't magically recover when we reach such-and-such weight.

I'm not black but I have read/heard of people with EDs who are. It seems that they face alot of problems because others in the community are "black people don't have eating disorders! we're curvy girls!". I can see that's what is happen to you. Do you see a therapist? I wonder if a professional could explain it to your family.

I want to point out that not eating for weeks is not "strong". Being strong is actually eating and battling your ED. It's hard, I know, but it's totally for the best - and fighting for yourself and your health makes you so much stronger.

There's a book that's available, I have it. It's called "Not All Black Girls Know How To Eat". It's on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Not-All-Black-Girls-Know/dp/1556527861

Description:
Stephanie Covington Armstrong does not fit the stereotype of a woman with an eating disorder. She grew up poor and hungry in the inner city. Foster care, sexual abuse, and overwhelming insecurity defined her early years. But the biggest difference is her race: Stephanie is black.
In this moving first-person narrative, Armstrong describes her struggle as a black woman with a disorder consistently portrayed as a white womans problem. Trying to escape her selfhatred and her food obsession by never slowing down, Stephanie becomes trapped in a downward spiral. Finally, she can no longer deny that she will die if she doesnt get help, overcome her shame, and conquer her addiction to using food as a weapon against herself.

It's really interesting and I give it a thumbs up. Just a suggestion.

Alright, take care for now. Keep posting if that helps.

Thank u ladies so much for replying....:) I've heard of that...even though losing the weight u still wanna go lower...I did that....I was at my loweest and still thought I was fat...wen I look at pics now back last year I cud see that I was so small....I really miss it .


... Becc...that book sounds really good...I think ill get it..._ kno wats funny my name is stephanie too haha....my caseworker is getting me into a center ....I wish there was someone I cud talk to about my ed

I COMPLETLY understand!!!!!! I also am black and my dads family is from jamaica and india and mums side is irish carribean. Everyone of those nationalities is BIG on food.
I am very obese and bulimic so its a double whammy. How can I as a black girl wanna be 'thin'????? and HOW can you be bulimic when you are so fat?

I look in the mirror and I hate everything I see. I hate people calling me curvy because you are RIGHT it IS just a nice way to call you fat!!!!

People keep telling me I should be greatful because though I am fat I am an hourglass shape and it's what people crave. I cant help thinking that they are lying!!!! Who wants to be like that?!?!?!
Everyone wants to be a boyish shape, long thin and straight. no bumpy edges so fat packs ect just thin.

I think my mum after 8 years knows there is something up but she will not broach the subject (thank God) because she is completly out of her depth with it? She has absolutly no experiance with e/d's whatsoever except that its summink 'white girls' get.
Also I just do not fit the bill. I am fat, I am mixed black, I supposedly love my food, I am outgoing, happy bubbly and just not what a bulimic is thought to be like, what she doesn't realise it yeah I love food but I love to purge it more. I love to restrict also, I obsess over anything calories or fat and my bubbly fun happy persona is all pretty much a dirty fake mask.

I completly understand the whole being strong whilst not eating thing either. I stopped eating for 10 days once only water nothing else. and everytime a bodily function stopped, though I was a little worried, I was secretly happy that it did. First I stopped needing to go number 2 after like 3 days, then I stopped peeing after about 5. even though I was drinking, It wasn't coming out and as a nurse I KNOW that meant I was dying but I didn't care I was happy about it. It was the strongest I have ever been and yet the weakest. It wasn't good I was so ill and I never saw it. and luckily somehow I came out of it and started eating again. I felt strong but I REALLY wasn't. Though if I am honest, I still wish I was 'good enoug' to be able to do that again.

I do often think that if I was white I'd be cured by now but then that may also be a load of rubbish also.

From my experience, NO ONE understands an eating disorder until hey have had it shoved in their face. Even with the experience my family members had with my cousin's ED, when they found out that I also had an ED the reaction was the same: why? It does seem beyond the realm of normal comprehension, this idea of deliberately not taking in food. To my grandmother, who grew up during the great depression, it was akin to choosing not to breath. It made absolutely no sense to her in any fashion. It was a phase I was going to 'get over.'

The thing is, the more one tangos with ED, the more difficult it is to keep one's distance from it. I do my best to remember recovery. I think of the children I want to have, the future lives I want to be a part of and see grow, of every milestone I want to see my friends complete, see myself complete. I've stopped weighing myself altogether, but I still know about how much I weigh from the clothes that I will wear.

Probably heard this a billion times now- have you seen a counselor? My own therapist did a couple of sessions with some of my family members in an effort to help them understand what ED is, the symptoms, what it really means, how to help and what not to say.

i had therapist..i just ended with her in the begining of october and my case is putting me in an ed center....but i want to lose weight before i start treatment..

no one really "gets it" unless they've 1) been trained to treat ED's or 2) have/had an ED.

Facarde, I have to disagree with you. Alot of people want to be curvy and beautiful. They want that hourglass shape. Curvy doesn't mean fat at all. People with EDs may never want to be curvy and may only wish to be stick-thin but alot of people on the "outside" LOVE the hourglass shape.

I'm sitting in the middle. I do look at those who are thin and say "why can't I be that thin?" but then look at those with a beautiful hourglass and it's like "wow they have a beautiful body and they don't have to be super skinny". I technically have an hourglass shape. Bigger chest, smaller waist, bigger hips. But because of my ED I am also bloated so that's what turns me off from my body. I do love parts of my body and I think as soon as my bloating goes down that I will come to love my entire body.

So, speaking for myself, I can tell you that I DO look at those who are curvy and hourglass and say "she's beautiful". And I think that's what alot of people also do...also alot of guys want girls with "something to hold on to".

hya beccbecc, I understand what your saying but it doesn't make sense in my head, its like someone saying they like to be freezing cold....it just doesn't make sense ya know? I don't understand it al all?

When I see someone with an hourglass shape, I understand that the world may view it as beautiful but when I see it on me or others I just see faults, mainly in me. I don't think there ugly or not beautiful ect but it just doesn't seem right if that makes any sense. but when I see someone so thin I automatically smile instinctually. It just makes me happy. Of course then I barate myself for not being the same way.

I don't understand? people say our disorder is perpetuated by the media, yet I disagree with some of their ideologies so much?