I very rarely come on the board here and tend just to stick to my page, I have no real reason for this, it just seems to be the habit that I have gotten into. Anyway, Karin (on DS) commented on my journal today saying that she wished I would post it on here so that others can see and give them hope. I don't know if it will do that, but I am happy to share my journal just in case it does. Just a little background; I suffered with anorexia for about 7 years with phases on bulimia in that time too. Here's the journal, (if you want to message me or anything please do):

ONE YEAR:
On the 23rd November it was a year since I had a major breakdown, it had been building up for a long long time as I hopelessly wrestled with my eating disorder, on that day through tears I told one of my best friends how I couldn't do it any more, I told her how scared I was and that I really didn't know if I could eat normally, even though I desperately wanted my life back. But on that day I made a promise to myself never to restrict again, to eat when I was hungry and stop when I was full, to eat three proper meals a day and most importantly move my focus away from food and on to life, really living not just merely existing any more. I promised that though I was scared beyond what I can describe with words, that I would get up the next morning and eat breakfast, I'd tackle each meal at a time and enjoy getting on with things that were nothing to do with my eating disorder. That evening I went to the supermarket to get some food to put in my bare cupboards. I chose a balance of things, it took forever taking things in and out of the basket as I got too overwhelmed by the food I was buying, I went away with the minimum I needed to have some meals the next day. I was well aware that I had a long way to go but I wanted it so badly and I had hope. So on 24th November I believe my recovery began, since then I have strived to get better. My past attempts to recover had only been fleeting as I went back to my eating disorder, for some reason needing it. But not this time. Though I have had tough days I have done my best to keep my promises, I have purged twice in the whole year, amazing considering there were times I did it twice a day, I have eaten all my meals and kept them down, I have even enjoyed some meals, today I ate a cookie and an apple as a snack and I feel fine about it when once upon a time I would have restricted for the rest of the day, now I know I'll eat lunch in a few hours. My bad days now are better than my good days a year ago. I'm still a work in progress, but I am getting there, I am better than I used to be.

Thank you God for showing me your love, your acceptance, for giving me hope and strength, for making me joyful in suffering and showing me who I am in Christ.

"16 He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support."
(Psalm 18:16-18 NIV)