Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
Hello, haven't been here in so long... couldn't sleep tonight, filling my brain with the ugly ugly details of the Penn State child molestation charges and cover-up... why do I keep reading...
But late night thoughts led me here.. I wanted to check in and tell you this: You can recover from an eating disorder. You can recover from a mental illness. You can recover from a mental illness plus co-occurring substance use disorder. In case that thought has never occurred to you before: You can recover.
Feb 2012 will mark three years free from alcohol and binge-purge bulimia. It will mark the end of thirty years (THIRTY YEARS!!) of their occupation of my mind, my body, and my life. I feel like I am climbing out of a very dark hole of isolation, secrecy, shame, despair, and hopelessness. And I started right here, on DailyStrength, this was Home Base in my recovery. I started by making a few friends, asking for help, lending support, journaling, and setting goals.. That was probably the most helpful feature in my early recovery, when I was truly white-knuckling the alcohol and the food-binges... having that very visual reminder of a goal here on DailyStrength... It was something I could watch grow... every day that added up on my goal was another victory... It gave me strength and hope, that I could make it another day, and then a week, and then the months started adding up...
I have to stop and reflect every once in a while now, I have to actually think, because I'm no longer struggling with urges to binge on food, or to numb my feelings with alcohol... I don't know when it left me, and I don't know when I started to just eat naturally, and stop when I'm full, and eat whatever I want, and not berate myself for having a cupcake or putting some gravy on a potato...
I can't say I don't stress-eat, I still do that. When I'm under stress, I find myself a little bit on auto-pilot, back and forth to the kitchen, grabbing crackers and candy... I eat wayyyy more sugar than I know is good for a person.. and I drink more coffee than I'd like to... But I laugh about it now, and I try to make better choices. My son and I have a little "apple-a-day" club going, which doesn't sound like much, but it's a fun part of our day together, and at least makes us pay attention to our choices a little more...
I know when you stop purging, it's terrifying to think of weight gain.... Getting used to leaving food in your stomach is hard. It takes time. When I quit purging, I started restricting. I ate diet food and drank diet soda. Over time, I have slowly slowly been able to let go of all that. to eat regular food, some with fat, sometimes I buy lo-fat, that's not something I stress over, but if I ever look at fat content, it's with my heart in mind, not my weight.. My body has settled into a healthy weight, I've been the same weight for two years, I know we're not supposed to use numbers here, but this is a really good number to know, it might be encouraging to someone who's afraid to quit purging: My body wants to weigh five pounds more than I allowed it to weigh in my thirty years of binging/purging/starving it. That's it, and I can live with that! I run with my kids, climb rocks and caves, and kick around the soccer ball... I'm there with them, I'm present. I'm not thinking about food or alcohol or hating on myself.
Part of my continuing recovery is to share resources, so if you're open to that, please check out:
The movie, "What the BLEEP Do We Know??"
MBSR Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction, Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn
Full Catastrophe Living by Dr Jon Kabat-Zinn
After the Ecstasy, the Laundry by Jack Kornfield
Mindful Eating by Jan Chozen Bays
http://pvom.org/ Plum Village Online Monastery, the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh
You can recover. People recover. Tell on your disease. Bulimia thrives in secrecy and shame. Tell. And keep telling until you get the support you need.
Well, it seems I had a lot to say, thanks for reading, maybe I can sleep now... lol! It just occurred to me, you know, in the middle of the night, the urges have left me... and I feel a sense of freedom... I gotta tell someone, it gets better!!
But late night thoughts led me here.. I wanted to check in and tell you this: You can recover from an eating disorder. You can recover from a mental illness. You can recover from a mental illness plus co-occurring substance use disorder. In case that thought has never occurred to you before: You can recover.
Feb 2012 will mark three years free from alcohol and binge-purge bulimia. It will mark the end of thirty years (THIRTY YEARS!!) of their occupation of my mind, my body, and my life. I feel like I am climbing out of a very dark hole of isolation, secrecy, shame, despair, and hopelessness. And I started right here, on DailyStrength, this was Home Base in my recovery. I started by making a few friends, asking for help, lending support, journaling, and setting goals.. That was probably the most helpful feature in my early recovery, when I was truly white-knuckling the alcohol and the food-binges... having that very visual reminder of a goal here on DailyStrength... It was something I could watch grow... every day that added up on my goal was another victory... It gave me strength and hope, that I could make it another day, and then a week, and then the months started adding up...
I have to stop and reflect every once in a while now, I have to actually think, because I'm no longer struggling with urges to binge on food, or to numb my feelings with alcohol... I don't know when it left me, and I don't know when I started to just eat naturally, and stop when I'm full, and eat whatever I want, and not berate myself for having a cupcake or putting some gravy on a potato...
I can't say I don't stress-eat, I still do that. When I'm under stress, I find myself a little bit on auto-pilot, back and forth to the kitchen, grabbing crackers and candy... I eat wayyyy more sugar than I know is good for a person.. and I drink more coffee than I'd like to... But I laugh about it now, and I try to make better choices. My son and I have a little "apple-a-day" club going, which doesn't sound like much, but it's a fun part of our day together, and at least makes us pay attention to our choices a little more...
I know when you stop purging, it's terrifying to think of weight gain.... Getting used to leaving food in your stomach is hard. It takes time. When I quit purging, I started restricting. I ate diet food and drank diet soda. Over time, I have slowly slowly been able to let go of all that. to eat regular food, some with fat, sometimes I buy lo-fat, that's not something I stress over, but if I ever look at fat content, it's with my heart in mind, not my weight.. My body has settled into a healthy weight, I've been the same weight for two years, I know we're not supposed to use numbers here, but this is a really good number to know, it might be encouraging to someone who's afraid to quit purging: My body wants to weigh five pounds more than I allowed it to weigh in my thirty years of binging/purging/starving it. That's it, and I can live with that! I run with my kids, climb rocks and caves, and kick around the soccer ball... I'm there with them, I'm present. I'm not thinking about food or alcohol or hating on myself.
Part of my continuing recovery is to share resources, so if you're open to that, please check out:
The movie, "What the BLEEP Do We Know??"
MBSR Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction, Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn
Full Catastrophe Living by Dr Jon Kabat-Zinn
After the Ecstasy, the Laundry by Jack Kornfield
Mindful Eating by Jan Chozen Bays
http://pvom.org/ Plum Village Online Monastery, the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh
You can recover. People recover. Tell on your disease. Bulimia thrives in secrecy and shame. Tell. And keep telling until you get the support you need.
Well, it seems I had a lot to say, thanks for reading, maybe I can sleep now... lol! It just occurred to me, you know, in the middle of the night, the urges have left me... and I feel a sense of freedom... I gotta tell someone, it gets better!!
I was almost at 3 months since the last relapse.
Now i'm struggling again but someday i hope i can make it past 9 months (my longest time between relapse) and on to a year, two years or longer.
I hope this disease that has taken half my life will someday just be a memory