i struggle with perfectionism A LOT.....the thing that helped me was school.....honestly.....i'm in college and in one of the most intense programs in the school-the most intense one i've EVER been in in my life-and i never got an A on a test, portfolio or cold story...NEVER....but i got B's....and that was good enough for me....sure, my ED came in and told me that i didn't get that good of a grade sometimes was because i wasn't worth anything and other things, but i pushed that thought away....i embraced the imperfections.....it took me a loooooooong time to finally realize that perfectionism isn't reality....i have an affirmation card that says just that..."perfection is NOT reality"......that helps me when i feel like i need to be perfect...i look at that, take a deep breath and go on with my day.....it takes a long time.....i found that writing helps me a lot....i write what i want to do/achieve to be "perfect", what i think of when i think of perfect and what the consequences i believe will happen if i'm not perfect.....this also works for my OCD.....i talk about perfectionism with my therapist and we're currently working on that....i also listen to music a lot.....there are 2 songs that really help me snap out of the perfectionism mode that i have "born this way" by lady gaga and "perfect" by p!nk......i love the lyrics and it helps me so much....i hope this helped....if you wanna talk, feel free to message me

Thank you, wow, remembering those songs was actually nearly a big wave of relief for me, I actually love Pink and Lady Gaga so that's pretty perfect, especially that I saw Pink at concert, and while in hospital F'in Perfect is what my mum would say to me. That affirmation card sounds really nice, I should really try to read some more and try to believe and live by them, they would probably really help. I'm thinking of starting journaling and art again, and yes, I'm a music person too, iPod, YouTube, Radio, CD's, whatever I love it. I'm in uni too, still trying to get over and accept that Distinction, but I am trying to tell myself that yes, that is an amazing job! But its hard. My ED also seems to give me that sort of needing for perfection, and even wants to almost be perfect to the doctors, therapists, friends, family, etc. And be perfect as in be the 'perfect sick'. Underweight, not eating, and my healthy side of me which is shrinking a lot, says what on earth is it talking about, but then it is afraid that it sounds like I'm just doing it for attention which I don't want anyone to ever think. Yeah, I will message you, and thank you so much for that it really helped :)

I Think that perfectionism is a common trait that people with Ed ' s often experience. I have just found that being aware of my thoughts and recognising when I am trying to be perfect helps because when I realise I'm trying to do something perfectly I say to myself "is it essential to do this perfectly?" " what's the worst that could happen if I didn't" then I realise that it is ok to just do my best and that nothing bad happens if I don't get it perfect. For me it's about being kinder to myself and treating myself like I would a friend. It's not easy though and I'm still working on it.

Thanks Emma, that's really helpful. I'm so happy to hear it is helping for you and I'm going to try my best to try and work on this too :) It's all about accepting ourselves for who we are I guess :) x

I know what you mean. I am a recovered bulimic, so I can relate. I think the eating disorder is actually a result of a deeper issue that existed before which could be feeling inferior, internally conflicted, wanting to prove yourself as worthy or loveable, seeking attention, competing with others and social pressure. I can speak for myself, and probably others with eating disorders could relate, too, and have gone through similar issues.

Psychotherapy is helpful, at least it was for me. I would recommend that you and other people here with an eating disorder look into it because it really could help to make some positive changes in your life in that you make those decisions for yourself that are based on love of self, finding the value and worth in yourself, putting aside and resolve the inner conflicts and issues from the past, lingering to today, get some helpful insights and focus on the positive and realistic aspects of life and of yourself, realize where those angry voices of self destruction and feelings of imperfection are coming from, and realize that they are hurting you rather than helping you, so you need to let go of them so you can have a better life that you owe to yourself because you deserve it and you're worth it. Realize that you are loveable and great, and you will be ok no matter what happens because you can rely on yourself and others who can help you, so don't be afraid to ask for help.

YES - times 1,000...and, in fact, I believe perfectionism is one of those personality traits that is most prominent in those of us with eating disorders; if we allow for it, perfectionism can feed the disorder more than we realize.

I have lived my entire life trying to do everything the "right" way - school, work, relationships. Then, when I got to college, I started falling to peer pressure, getting involved with the wrong crowds, skipping class, and my grades started dropping. At first I thought it was ok, since I had been so tough on myself in the past. Eventually I became more and more lenient with myself - I even began partying and drinking, despite my ED yelling at me about the calories in alcohol and how bad it is. However, I didn't stop anything because, although my grades weren't AS good as they COULD be, I was still passing and so there weren't really any consequences. However, one night I made the dumba-- decision to drink and drive and crashed my car. From THAT NIGHT, I was sucked back into my perfectionist mind. From that point on, I have gone about everything in what I believe to be the "right" way.

Since then I haven't had a drop of alcohol, I have not missed one class, and I have straight A's and a couple B's. Further, I am back down to my "goal" weight, which makes me believe that ED's and perfectionism are definitely related. So, I'm torn between what is better - to keep yourself in a perfectionist state of mind, or to let yourself go a little?

ED voices constantly argue with me about this. So I can totally relate to you, no doubt.

Hi lightbright, I think I might have started doing Psychotherapy, but I'm not really sure what it is, because its just me talking and stuff with a psychologist, don't really know the difference. I am learning to ask for help a lot more than I used to, and talking more than I ever did. So I guess its a step by step progress in the right direction :)

Thankyou for the very positive responses, it's helping me try to find that little glimpse of hope again towards recovery :)
T0adBrigade I'm so sorry you had to experience that to see a little bit of a change again, but hopefully everything happens for a reason and maybe it was something that might push you to continue with recovery. I think yes, perfectionism can be alright, but like everything, used in moderation. However, yeah, I do think it has quite an impact on people who aren't coping normally with their mental health illnesses.