But you did make progress. In fact it sounds like you made fantastic progress. This is a setback that can be corrected. If you made progress before you can certainly make progress again. You can do this!!

P.S. I know the struggle of gaining with medication. I went on Paxil and gained 100 pounds. I didn't have the option to go off Paxil so I had to accept the weight gain. It was actually a turning point in my healing.

Once that first month supply ran out, I told my psych "nope, try again"

To this day, even after 13 years of failure with my treatment plan, I still refuse to take lithium

13 years of failure? That's a long stretch to look at as "failure". Can you look back and see any success? You said you made progress before...that sounds like success to me.

There were brief periods where my meds would work perfectly together...but alas, the moments were fleeting at best

It's too bad that medication has not been able to help you. I found meds to only be a Band-Aid to what was the actual issue which was childhood traumas. Until I worked on healing those I was not able to heal the ED. They went hand-in-hand and healing my past has freed me, or begun to free me, from the ED. I hope you can find your way through your process too.

I don't think I'm strong enough to get over my childhood trauma...I lost my baby brother when I was just six, and had to completely take over running the household, because my parents both sunk into a deep depression...

My feeling is that if you were strong enough at six to take over running the household then you are strong enough to heal from it. My guess is you have not fully grieved your brothers death and will have to do that once you start your healing. But I have faith you are strong enough to do that. You deserve to heal and I can imagine you holding that little six year old you, loving her and grieving with her. If you don't release the tears, the anger and betrayal, just to name a few, they will not go away. Have faith that that brave strong little six year old will help you through it.

@lucky...please don't make assumptions about my gender because of my ED...that's exactly why I was stopped at the door of 3 different support groups and every residential treatment facility in the tri-state area :,(

I'm sorry if that sounds rude...it wasn't my intention to offend...rather, to educate...there's SUCH a stigma around men with ED...

I am sorry. I didn't mean anything by it. I had not looked at your profile. What I said works with a little six year old boy as well. He still needs love and to grieve.

That is awful that you were not allowed to participate in group simply because you are male. I am sorry that happened to you.

It's okay... I finally found a co-ed group about 45 minutes away from my house (at least they TOLD me it was co-ed...I was STILL the only guy in the room) but I could tell my presence was making some of the "veterans" uncomfortable

Really? That is so sad that anyone would feel uncomfortable just because you are a male with an ED. ED's are a coping mechanism that can affect anyone - male or female. Perhaps you will one day start a support group that is all male because I can just imagine there are more men out there who feel so alone with their ED and their suffering but I too nervous to join a group that is all women. Kudos to you and your determination to heal!

Thank you...I just might do that

I heart high school wrestlers are a high risk category for ED, because the coaches push them to fight in the lowest possible weight class