Every moring I plan every single meal/snack, calorie etc. Most days I eat the exact same things just so I don't have to think about it all over again. But I am so trapped that I can't make any changes or my anxiety will go through the roof, at least until I have recalculated everything. I then burn off every calorie, plus some with my exercise, cardio and intense weight lifting. If I am not in the negative, then I either cut foods or exercise more. The bad thing is that I end up feeling good, like I "accomplished" something and that just refuels for the next day.

I have been trying to cut my exercise down but it seems that the harder I try the more I end up exercising. And food, I keep cutting a little here and there and I am worried that I am relapsing. When I "graduated" from Intensive outpatient treatment I was referred to residential since I have no support system. My treatement team all worried that without the groups 3x week I would not have anyone to help me stay accountable. Then to top it off, I went to my individual therapist and becasue I had not made progress in a month, she told me that I again needed ot go inpatient and that she ethically could not help me and now I have no one.

I am trying to do this on my own but since I am no longer emaciated, still underweight, no one says anyting and so I feel that I must not be that bad or no one cares any way. So I keep doing what I am doing because that "accomplishment" is the only thing that feels good.

I am so stuck.... just needed to vent. THanks!