hi guys before i get into this poem, i have to tell you that friday was a very rough day. i spasmed a lot, and was just really sore i didn't eat much friday. every time i tried, it just seemed so hard. it was so frustrating because i had been doing so well the last couple of weeks, and then ONE bad day threw me off and upset to the point where i didn't want to eat.

so i was extremely frustrated. i talked to adriana, and she made me feel better. (thanks hun!) i ate dinner, but was still upset. i went into my room and put the mp3 player on my phone on. celine dion's "if that's what it takes" came on. i remembered that jenny had put that song on the first cd she made me. the lyrics reminded me of how my friends have really backed me up throughout this mess. for those who have never heard the song, here are the lyrics.


You're the bravest of hearts, you're the strongest of souls
You're my light in the dark, you're the place I call home
You can say it's all right, but I know that you're breaking up inside
I see it in your eyes
Even you face the night afraid and alone
That's why I'll be there

When the storm rises up, when the shadows descend
Ev'ry beat of my heart, ev'ry day without end
Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise I make
Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's what it takes
If that's what it takes

You can sleep in my arms, you don't have to explain
When your heart's crying out, baby, whisper my name
'Cause I've reached out for you when the thunder is crashing up above
You've given me your love
When your smile like the sun that shines through the pain
That's why I'll be there

When the storm rises up, when the shadows descend
Ev'ry beat of my heart, ev'ry day without end
I will stand like a rock, I will bend till I break
Till there's no more to give, if that's what it takes
I will risk everything, I will fight, I will bleed
I will lay down my life, if that's what you need
Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise I make
Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's what it takes

Through the wind and the rain, through the smoke and the fire
When the fear rises up, when the wave's ever higher
I will lay down my heart, my body, my soul
I will hold on all night and never let go
Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise I make
Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's what it takes

If that's what it takes
Every day
If that's what it takes
Every day

that song and the poem "footprints in the sand" inspired this.

#78 "Suddenly...There You Are"

When the day has all but torn apart
My broken, starving soul
When I have cried tears of sorrow
Till it feels like I will drown
When the whole world comes tumbling down
When it feels like the monster
Will swallow me whole

Suddenly
There you are
With prayers, poems, songs on my wall
Instant messeges, e-mails, Disney movies, musicals
Anything at all

Anything to put a smile on my face
And replace
Even for a moment
The pain of this illness

When I am weary and teary-eyed
From the day's battle
When I have fallen down
And crumbled around
All the pressures of the world
When I have reverted back to that weak little girl

Suddenly
There you are
With your phone calls, text messeges, Bible verses, and calming words
Your jokes that however corny
Will forever make me laugh

When I have lost the will to fight the monster
And am headed to the kitchen
To bury all the pain

Suddenly
There you are again
At my door
With that new song you've written
Or tales of your new kitten

When the whole world's gone crazy
And I think I'll never escape
That I'll be trapped with the monster forever

Suddenly
There you are
At my door
With your hugs
Or surprise calls
"Wanna catch a movie?"

At those moments
Nttenever have U been more thankful
For such a random act of love

You don't know it
But you are saving me from myself
Saving me from myself
Saving me from ED hell

When I am so sick of being sick
That I could scream untill my throat is sore

Suddenly
There you are
Telling me to write some more

When I am so lost in the darkness of my eating disorder
That I can't see
The Light
Anymore

Suddenly
There You are
With Your forever comforting words

"...During your times of trial and suffering
When you only saw one set of footprints in the sand
It was then that I carried you"
Fallon Marie


Inspired by Celine Dion's "If That's What It Takes" and the poem "Footprints in the Sand"

Deticated with all my love and thanks to my family, jenny, cassie, angela, emily, victor, erica, jenna, megz, megan and katy, katie, heather and steve, ashley, mindy, adriana, jacqui, lindsay, and the rest of my teamceline family

sorry. unfortunately i don't have photos of all of you. *HINT HINT I NEED MORE PICS* lol. i included a photo of maria because she has saved my butt more than once when i have wanted to binge. it's kinda crazy how a little kitten can bring so much joy to my life. -fallon