Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
This is just a quick post beccause I'm too bloody angry to write more.
This morning I weighed myself, as usual and once again despite eating more again yesterday I have lost weight. I'm not dealing with this very well. Half of me was really excited but the other half knows that if this carries on I'll end up being admitted into a hospital before I can get into the special unit.
I tried to talk about it with my Mum as I'm going to see my pdoc on Monday. He is bound to ask me if I've lost more weight. I've lost another 2 pound so far since Monday when I saw him last. I'm worried he's going to freak and try and send me into a different hospital.
I'm trying so hard with eating the amount I am at the moment and I even mentioned maybe adding something small for my lunch to my Mum. She didn't give a yes or no answer. So when lunchtime came, I asked again what I should do about lunch. I don't like the idea of 'me' asking for it...I just wanted her to tell me and then I wouldn't feel like a pig for asking for food (don't know if that will make sense to you) She just sighed and said "it's up to you" like she couldn't give a shit. What did she think I was going to say!? Oh I'll just go make myself a cheese sandwich then shall I!? Of course I wouldn't! All I wanted was a bit of support and someone to tell me that I should eat and so I was allowed to. But what is the fucking point if my Mum couldn't care or less whether I ate or not. Why am I bothering to put myself through this everyday to try and maintain when she just seems to have lost interest in helping me eat a bit. When I do eat now, instead of being supportive like she was in the begining it's just like she's bored of it now, and if I happen to say I don't like something she's given me to eat. She gets stroppy with me. Why should I bother?
Fuck it...
This morning I weighed myself, as usual and once again despite eating more again yesterday I have lost weight. I'm not dealing with this very well. Half of me was really excited but the other half knows that if this carries on I'll end up being admitted into a hospital before I can get into the special unit.
I tried to talk about it with my Mum as I'm going to see my pdoc on Monday. He is bound to ask me if I've lost more weight. I've lost another 2 pound so far since Monday when I saw him last. I'm worried he's going to freak and try and send me into a different hospital.
I'm trying so hard with eating the amount I am at the moment and I even mentioned maybe adding something small for my lunch to my Mum. She didn't give a yes or no answer. So when lunchtime came, I asked again what I should do about lunch. I don't like the idea of 'me' asking for it...I just wanted her to tell me and then I wouldn't feel like a pig for asking for food (don't know if that will make sense to you) She just sighed and said "it's up to you" like she couldn't give a shit. What did she think I was going to say!? Oh I'll just go make myself a cheese sandwich then shall I!? Of course I wouldn't! All I wanted was a bit of support and someone to tell me that I should eat and so I was allowed to. But what is the fucking point if my Mum couldn't care or less whether I ate or not. Why am I bothering to put myself through this everyday to try and maintain when she just seems to have lost interest in helping me eat a bit. When I do eat now, instead of being supportive like she was in the begining it's just like she's bored of it now, and if I happen to say I don't like something she's given me to eat. She gets stroppy with me. Why should I bother?
Fuck it...
I wonder who do u want to get well for sounds like ur mum not judging just wondering ~ what about tryin to get better for u u r worth it :-)
pls eat lunch too u dont need ur mums permission ur body needs it
here for u
YOU CAN DO IT!
Thinking of u
God bless you
Love and hugs
Vicky
It response to Silent1's post...I know this will sounds strange but I find it less scary when my Mum decides what I'm going to eat. She is pretty good at judging what I'd be happy eating and what I wouldn't. I've actually asked her to decide my breakfasts and dinners and just put them in front of me. If I can't finish it then fine but I just can't deal with the pressure of having to choose my meals. I just get so overwhelmed and scared that whatever I choose everyone will think "look what she chose, she's eating too much. It'll be her own fault if she freaks out later". I just can't help it at the moment. That's going to be something else that I'll need to tackle when I go for treatment I suppose.
x-Bliss-x
I am glad to read you have calmed down. I just want to address one thing. Are you depending on someone to tell you to eat or are you hoping to gain a normalized eating habit from having others tell you when to eat.
If you want to depend on someone to tell you when and what to eat I am concerned that when that person isnt around you will restrict to the point of not eating anything. This will not only NOT help you it will put a really big strain on your relationship with that person.
I think you need to committ yourself to a meal plan, you can start small and increase little by little until you eat regularly on your own, but you have to be able to do some of it on your own,
We are all here to help too, since we can feel how you feel
Good luck, let us know how you do
x-Bliss-x
Try to plan three meais and two snacks tomorrow, give that list to you mom so she can maybe encourage you WhAT and WHEN to eat using the guide that you give her, maybe this will help her support you better
Good Luck
My Mum is really supportive too with my meals so that really helps :)
Thank you for the support and encouragments again.
x-Bliss-x
Your response to my post does make sense. Again, for me personally, it would be triggering for someone to have that much control over what I do and don't eat. If it works for you right now, then that's what's important.
Take care.
x-Bliss-x