Welcome SecretLiving! In this support group you dont need to be secretive. Youll see that people share their downsides and problems and do get support and understanding. I hope we can help you in some way!

Well I guess I can share my story. I am a college student, and I am a non-purging bulimic, although I am afraid I could turn to purging, as I've tried but was kind of unsuccessful. I was doing great for a while by simply avoiding the foods I used to binge on, but I had a relapse recently. The way I deal with it is by exercising like no other. Even while I was trying to avoid the foods I binged on, I was constantly counting calories and trying to lose weight, even though everyone tells me I'm skinny. I eat super healthy foods now and I like to eat healthy, but when I don't I feel really guilty. In fact, I feel guilty eating anything even remotely unhealthy in front of people. I feel very stuck and I'm scared to death to tell any of my friends or family. My life revolves around counting calories and I hardly ever stop thinking about food and the next time I can eat. I hate binging so much and constantly counting calories is exhausting. Honestly I think my roommate thinks I'm going anorexic because she only sees me eat healthy foods and never junk food. And I wasn't eating junk food until my relapse and I hid that from her. I don't want to live this way and I want to turn my life around! I want to help other people and I know in order to do that I have to help myself too. Thank you for reading my post and replying to my message!

Your situation sounds familiar although fortunately not to me right now. I have however been obsessed with food, nutrition, calories and healthy eating to the point where it gets unhealthy. Im also aware how terrifying it feels to admit to the problem to friends or family. I cant say who is the right person to tell but it is good to be able to tell someone who understands and this site is a great place to begin.
Eating disorders are horribly complex. You can be aware of for example being afraid of being fat. Then you read some background info dealing with other reasons behind disordered or obsessional eating practices and you may or may not be able to see glints of truth in those. Whilst a therapist could help you explore and analyse yourself for healing and growth in the longer term its important to get practical help too. I urge you at all cost to avoid purging. Its not worth the long term physical damage to your body.

I definitely agree that purging is horrible and I would hate to get into that life. I know how damaging it can be. I'm so happy, I was finally able to tell one of my friends what I have been struggling with. It has taken me so long to get to this point, where I can trust someone enough with this problem. She was so understanding and doesn't think any less of me, which I am soo grateful for! She's going to be my accountability partner and is willing to check up on me to make sure I'm doing okay. I think I can actually beat this! This is only the beginning of my journey but I'm excited to overcome it!

Congratulations on telling your friend. Im so glad she is understanding and supportive. You can always come here too if you need extra support but of course a "real live support person" is a treasure. All the Best!

Welcome SecretLiving :-)
I can relate to your story... the insanity of the ED is horrid eh.
I hope you find the love and support you need to support your journey of recovery. This is just a quick welcome note as I have a pressing assignment to complete today... but wanted to let you know I read your posts and I care. Keep coming back here and posting and talking... it really helps break the shame and isolation.
Recovery and sanity around food, the ED and life is very possible. It takes commitment to slowly making loving changes in your life, and your thinking. I would encourage you to take just one or two small steps each day to change something positively. Keep going and don't give up! You are worth it and you deserve recovery and healing.
Kim xx

Thank you so much for your encouraging words. Being able to talk about what I'm dealing with has been very helpful. Today I'm struggling with huge desires to go binge and I'm trying so hard not to! It's almost a constant thought in my mind but I so want to beat this.

It easily feels that an eating disorder is a power over which we have no control. (Ive been there and felt the urges). So if youre suffering from an eating disorder you feel powerless and helpless. Eating disorders are indeed powerful but we can find support and work actively to prevent it controlling our lives. For example, just as couch potatoes often use an exercise plan to get them moving, you could also have a healthy exercise plan that limits the number or times or hours a week that you exercise. Wishing you well!