Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
I'm really battling shame. Every single time I eat I feel so ashamed. I feel ashamed that I am still eating, ashamed that I have an appetite, ashamed that I am not doing better at restricting. I hate these feelings, I want them to go away but no matter how healthy I behave I feel like I will never be able to stop these feelings of shame and fear of weight gain go away. I am not weighing myself but I know I'm at a healthy weight and right now I feel like I'd give anything to be sick again. It doesn't make sense, I know I can't allow myself to get to where I was again. I miss the will power and the control. I guess I just have to deal with these feelings. Will they ever go away?
Maybe a good question to ask yourself, which may offer some insight to your triggers/the driving force behind the ED, what in your life feels SO incredibly out-of-control right now that the need for these feelings has been triggered?? This may help you perhaps.
For me, every aspect of my entire life (controlled by violent, abusive and narcissistic parents) was controlled and dictated by others even into my adult years. My ED was my way of "shutting off the pain" which was inside and so overwhelming.
Maybe it would help to ask yourself "what painful feelings am I trying to dissociate from?"
I'm aware everyone's journey is very unique but there are common threads. Perhaps some of the insights above I've gained through hard won recovery may help you. Then again they may not....
It's worth a try.
Kim xx