After talking to my son's dad (by phone) about some boundaries I wanted to have when dropping my son off, I began to have nightmares back to back.
Now mind you, this is the person who was both verbally and emotionally abusive to me in the past, so I never talk to him and have tried to avoid him as much as possible. He is the cause of my adulthood anxiety, never had any issues before him in my life.
I am not afraid of him anymore, but apparently their are still some things that I am battling.
I spoke to him briefly over the weekend, then shortly after that I began to have nightmares. The first night it was of me defending myself against him, 3 in a row. The next time was the following day when I layed down to take a nap, I had another nightmare about him, and after waking up from it I had to get out of the house, so I took a quick trip to the grocery store, came back and was better. The next one was last night. I was defending myself again from someone, not him, but this dream was violent and it scared me. I woke up in a panic, heart pounding and couldn't go back to sleep.
I've had nightmares before about him, but I haven't had them in years, and I've never had them back to back like that, like the three in one night. I've also never experienced having nightmares each time I close my eyes to fall asleep, seems like something from a bad movie.
I'm wondering if it's a bad omen, like something's going to happen, or just residual stress from my waking hours trickling into my dreams.
I've asked a friend to come visit me this weekend, it's that bad. I need someone there with me to be a calming presence and reassure me. If they can't make it, I guess I'll be sleeping with the light on or staying up into the late hours of the night until I pass out, because honestly I don't wanna sleep in the house alone this weekend with these dreams.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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First, I hope everyone is doing well, and continuing to fight that good fight! Keep up the great work on yourselves; I'm rooting for all of you!So, I started doing therapy at the beginning of the year, when I was in my most depressed state, but with my therapist, I made big changes and steps in the right direction. But, over a month ago, she couldn't take my insurance anymore, and I had to stop...
Inside my own skin, I have zero doubt that residual stresses play out and sometimes even resolve during my dreams. The residual stresses from decades past are the meanest of those, especially the ones I've repressed with phrases like, "I've moved on." "I'm so-o-o-o over that."
With professional and peer therapy support, I was able to turn such blasts from the past into empowerment opportunities. Through visualizing different outcomes to these dreams, I was able to get it through to my subconscious (Inner Child?) that "I THE BOSS! ! ! YOU DON'T GET TO DO THAT TO ME, EVER AGAIN. TAKE THIS AND THAT, YOU ABUSIVE A-HOLE! ! !"