Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
Just a little update... i was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. Bummer. I'm getting through it and have a tremendous outpouring of support, even from so called switzerland friends. I often find myself wondering what my x thinks about it. I know it doesn't matter but i still wonder. He did try to reach out via text but i have him blocked. told my D that he's here for me, blaha, blah. He even tried to email me good wishes. One sentance about asking how i'm doing then the rest of the two paragraphs were about our D and her care, of which he signed..."Regards." lol yes... Now that the cat is out of the bag and people are asking him questions he tells them I don't talk to him as if its because he's getting remarried. Which is not the case I haven't talke to him in years. But i really thought he would reach out to me... not just because he has to but because I thought he really cared. I know I set myself up for dissappointment with this kind of expectation. I even thought he would send me flowers after my first chemo and wondered if i'd throw them away or give them to someone else. Yesh.. I put to much into him being a good guy. It just has reinforced the fact that he doesn't love me and probably never really did. In fact, I really thought my x-sister in law would reach out to me since she was just down and made a visit before I was diagnosed. She never did. That was really disappointing. I was quite suprised that he "re-friended" me on facebook and posted something on my facebook page that I posted officially announcing my diagnosis. Of course he reset all the option so i couldn't go to his facebook. I blocked him and deleted the post. It just said something like your a strong woman you got this. REally... it was all about his image management. I still am stunned how he sleeps as night. Sometimes I can't help but wonder what happended to the man who was always by my side and is now a complete stranger. He keeps saying he's going to come to be with our D after a chemo treatment so he can help out... have yet to book a flight. I'm not let down because I know who he really is but I wish i was some type of phychiatrist and was able to understand how someone could be such an asshole. FYI i'm doing fine really. I'll get through this cancer free. Just another bump in my road to recovery.
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I had gone to the grocery store. When I wheeled my cartback to my car I just stool there a minute. A few spacesaway a Tesla Cyber truck was parked. I had seen it on theroad a few times for a few seconds. But not close up.It looked like it belonged to 2126 and not 2026. I wasgoing to take a picture of the car but the owners cameback and drove away. It was an ordinary middle age...
He says he still loves me but more like a sister or good friend...that passionate love is gone. He is still looking for the heart pounding, knee shaking love. He does not understand that as we grow older the love that is felt is deeper and quieter than that young love stuff. He does not get it and never will. I think a lot of men go through this when they get older. They dont want to be that person they see in the mirror...that aging man with grandchildren. It makes them feel old...so they bolt and try to run away. I really do think having affairs and leaving the marriage is part of running.
You cant fix him or make him feel something he doesn't. He no longer is that man you loved. He is a stranger in a familiar body...a shell of his former self. It sucks and it hurts. There really is no other choice but to let them go and build a new life that does not include them...easier said than done but not impossible...Big Hugs...Kathy
It's about you. Today and tomorrow and all of the tomorrows after that. It's NOT about him. Settle your heart and mind and focus inwards. Take care of you and your daughter as much as you can. Accept the love and help of those who have rallied around you.
You don't need his thoughts or false compassion. When you think of him, and I'm betting it's still often...think the thought and then let it go. That's something I learned from meditation. Don't fight the thought but think about it like you're releasing it. Just....let it go. Your soul will be lifted if you can accomplish this tiny little feat. It will help you to heal your wounded heart and soul and aid your physical healing. I truly believe this. I believe that positive energy and postive thoughts bring healing into our lives.
If you're not already doing so, and health permits, I urge you to try a gentle yoga class. Yoga can do wonders to help connect with your inner self and channel positive energy. And on that note...I'm off to yoga class myself!
I wish you peace and love and healing sister moonshine! hugs
I hope and pray that everything will be ok for you.
Bob
As sad as it is, you seem to have a good handle on expecting your ex to be, shall we say, less than helpful and disappointing at best? As you've heard, look at the thoughts on him, let them go, and get back to taking care of business, you and your daughter. You've come so far, and the letting go of the thoughts, anchor, weight and burden of him will continue to become easier. Blessings.
i'm sad that wondering what he thinks crosses your mind