How do you feel about that, Gocubbies?

Cubbies, You have a lot to think about. I'm all for the both of you going to counseling and trying to work on your marriage. That being said, I would not let her move back into the house until your counselor tells you both that it is a wise thing to do. Once she moves back into the house, it will be harder to get her to leave if things don't go well. If she is sincere about wanting to work on the marriage, she will understand that being separated until the counselor gives the okay to cohabitate is the best thing for both of you. Stay strong on this issue and protect yourself!
Hugs,
T.

Oh my, gocubbies, this is a tough one!
I'm with Kamary and HealingT -- I believe it would be a grave error on your part to allow her to simply walk back in BEFORE you set some boundaries and get at least 5 sessions of marriage counseling under your belts. I have seen this scenario before; read about them on here over the past few years, and unless there are clear-cut boundaries and goals set, the "reconciliation" does not last.

After all the emotional turmoil you have been through, you certainly DON'T want to have to go through it again. Anyone who has been through it twice will tell you how horrible it is to be devastated the second time.

Please think long and hard about this. Consult with YOUR counselor or therapist if you have been seeing one. You are still so vulnerable, this scenario has me very concerned.

What they said. No moving in until after counseling for a while. You need to see her for who she really is, and vice versa.

Ditto with the ladies- no moving back until she does a lot of counselling and you see restitution behaviours....
Wishing you luck! Oh and take your time thinking it over- she should be generous with her space.

Does she want to work the marriage out because she realized she made a mistake and loves you or does she want to come back because it just didnt work out with the other guy?

counseling and therapy is definately a good idea. I would move very slowly through the work in progress. You have to decide how you feel about the idea of her moving back in. Just be cautious.

I made this mistake. I advise against it. She may just be feeling lonely or confused and thinks that a sense of 'familiarity' will supply her with the strength and answers and STABILITY that she needs. It doesn't work this way. Trust me.

She will come back half-hearted at best. Carrying a load of guilt that she has no idea how to handle. How can YOU be expected to deal with this? Time and therapy will help. If she really wants you back, loves you, wants to commit to YOU, a few weeks or months will not change that right?

It's tough...when you love and miss someone, you want to be with them so badly. But it's not the same as it was Cubbies...it may never be. Sorry to be a downer! Good luck with making the decision that is right for you!

I also made the mistake of taking my ex back to soon. I wanted my family back so bad...I jumped at the thought of getting back together again. We were divorced for 16 months.

Cubbies....take it slow and make her work for it. Counselling is a must...its the only way to put the marriage back together again. There are so many negative emotions to work through after infidelity. Many of them wont surface until a bit later. For me...I was overwhelmed with trust issues and since my ex would not go for counselling...it was impossible to navigate through them.

I know just how hard it is not to just let her come home and carry on with life. The thing is....your life together will never be the same. That innocence and trust is lost. You cant go back. If both of you truly are putting the relationship first and there are no ulterior motives...a few weeks or months will only strengthen that resolve.

I personally know of 2 couples that have remarried after divorce. One couple was divorced for 7 years. The H had 3 or 4 live in relationships during that time and the W had at least 1. After deciding that they should try a put the marriage back together again they went to intense counselling for almost a year...but...they remarried and are a very happy couple. They continued counselling well into the 2nd marriage. Its so funny because they refer to that time as...our crazy time...we both went crazy at the same time.

This is wonderful news about your wife...I just hope its sincere. I truly believe that doing everything to save a marriage is the right thing to do. Good luck with this cubbies. You have my total support...Big Hugs...Kathy

I'm usually the first person who wishes reconciliations. It's no mistake when your spouse tells you boldly "she love's someone else" to your face after years of marriage...for whatever reason. It's her having had a lack of empathy is what concerns me. I'm going to be the oddball and say it's not good enough just wanting back in. You know me, a defiant spouse has to EARN their way back . Call it tough love if you want. I call it making it known to her, this is NOT how I am to be treated and spoken to. My love will stop if you do.

So, has she already given you the full load down about this "loving someone else" story? Her disclosures will be her PROOF of being honest and transparent for starters. Without it, there may be hidden motives for her wanting back and it won't be because of her affections for you. Ask yourself , what is it that she wants, somebody or something , might be the real issue before you allow her back in.

We are all human and make mistakes, but being cruel is a choice to me, not just a mistake. "When people tell you who they are BELIEVE them". That being said, ii is not over till its over, take care of you first.
good luck

Lawyer up mate, Protect yourself first.

Be cautious. She treated you pretty badly. Not compassionately. I would be wondering what she wanted. Many times here on this board, the members smell a rat but the member involved in the relationship thinks it is worth a shot. I think we all do it. When it doesn't work out it serves as proof that they tried and it was not going to work. Some of us need to try even if it looks hopeless because now that our eyes are open and we can see things as they are not as we hoped. We will see the rat and not question if we are doing the right thing later.

Just a thought.

Wow !,
First of all let me say that I would be very happy for you if you can get back together and work things out. I can only imagine what a relief and the good feeling that you must have had and are having knowing that she wants to come back . Amen to you brother…..Amen
Never the less……… you must still be careful . I agree here with many that you should go to counseling for some time before you move back together again.. It’s good for you …and for her….. She must know what she truly want too. Cover your self legally also…. Right now anything can happen….
All in Cubbie………. I’m happy for you…… I’m happy that you have the chance to reconcile . Many of us here ………..didn’t have that chance to even try to get back together…. Sooooooooo, Hip hip to you………. You have a chance … At least someone may be getting back together here at D&S… It’s really good for me to here that about you,,,,,,,,, or anyone……
GO FOR IT !!!!! (In my opinion! ) With Gods help ….. You will both make it ….
Your friend ……….. Timeman … Bob

PS…. Cubbie , I just want to say again how happy that I am for you…….

PPS. BTW-……… Cubs lost again… as you know !!! YAK !

Well, She is playing me for a fool. Now she will not talk to me or text me anymore. I put my foot down and will be silent just like her. She woke up a giant!!! I tried way too much with zero results and now I'm mad with a house she said I can have, 3 kids and 2 dogs. What a heartless coward she became.