Are you kidding me? Councelling will definitely help It's amazing what it can do for you. He slept with his cousin!!! - don't you dare feel inadequate. It's not your fault - it's his lack of character.

Try the therapy - it works.

I agree. Therapy keeps me on the track. Just talking to my lovely counsellor makes me feel better even if I don't have any breakthroughs. She treats me with respect and kindness.

Looks like a consensus to me!

I have said before that I would stay in therapy my entire life if I could afford it. Few things beat the presence of a good therapist in your life - someone to share all the joys and pitfalls with; someone who will never judge you and who helps you with deep reflection into your motives and dreams.

Therapy can be very hard work -- I was always exhausted after my weekly sessions -- but it was well worth the effort and the expense. I still go for tune-ups as needed. I enjoy the process -- we are all very complex, emotional creatures and there are always more layers to peel back to get to the lovely fruit within! Please reconsider, my friend. You won't be sorry!

Ditto what CGC and angel said. Counseling DOES help! I sometimes wonder what spooks people about counseling. There are good counselors and bad counselor, just like in any profession. Maybe its a fear of being 'analyzed' and left wanting by someone who is not worthy. I believe that if one has common sense, it's not too difficult to sniff out the 'worthy and learned' from those whose prefessionalism seems lacking.

Give it a try! I fond my second counselor to be wonderful, and just kind of tolerated my first one! And my NEW counselor (my third is for a specialized therapy that she is trained in) is FANTASTIC!

I believe that undertaking a combination of healing activities (see 'the list' that is currently posted as a thread) will move one down the healing path at an accelerated pace. Sure worked for me!

fyi, the thread I mentioned is entitled 'suggestions for making it through'

You are all so absolutely amazing! I will call and see about getting some counseling. I truly know I need it. Feel so at a loss on continuing to struggle over my emotions and feelings. You would think I would be past the hurt, anger, feeling of unworthiness, etc. Can't believe I still want answers on breaking my heart, family and my sense of security. I need to understand how knowing I was faithful he could make me feel as unworthy as I still do. To hear about all the fun things he does with his new girlfriend who is two years older then me makes me want to puke in my mouth:) Guess if she can get past him sleeping with his cousin's wife then more power to her....until it happens to her! HA~ Counseling here I come:)

Try reading "not just friends" by Shirley Glass. When my stbx had an affair it was my Bible. It doesn't make a difference now but I believe knowledge is power and understanding the motivation helped me.

mbstone, I was wondering if you had been back to read all these heartfelt responses and strong urgings to get yourself into therapy! Trust each and every one of us who has been there and done that! We are should be wearing t-shirts that say THERAPY WORKS!

One other thing that will definitely help you is to CLOSE YOUR EARS to anything "well-meaning" people want to tell you about what the x is doing and with whom. You may have to be downright ABRUPT with them to put a stop to it. But believe me, anyone who carries this kind of tale to you at this stage of the game is NOT your FRIEND. They are drama queens who just like to keep the shit stirred up. You can control this flow of information -- it's all about SETTING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES for yourself -- an important life lesson in all respects!

Please let us know how you make out with finding a qualified counselor or licensed therapist. I always recommend a therapist -- they have a lot more training and experience!