You and your husband haven't had much of a relationship for a long time, so to think that your divorce could be "amicable" sounds like a fairy tale to me. I wouldn't recommend an "internet" divorce -- I don't know anyone who has done it and in some states, I don't know if the forms you can get online are even valid.
You live in an equitable distribution state -- and since you have pursued a divorce before, I'm sure you know what that means -- but if your H is as tight as you say, my guess is he's going to scream bloody murder at the thought of giving you anything.

Your best bet is to at the very least consult with a family law attorney in your area (lots of them will give a free consultation) and see what he/she advises you to do.

Knowing what I went through and hearing the Hellish experiences of others here on DS, I would say that trying to go into this WITHOUT LEGAL COUNSEL would be like going out in a hurricane wearing your snow skis. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER -- and you are no dummy! Educate yourself and have a plan.

My advice is NOT to mention anything until you have ALL the information you need, have hired a lawyer, and are ready to have him served with the divorce papers.
I can pretty much guarantee that he will be furious with you the moment you actually take legal action, no matter how long you have been living separate lives in the same house.
You need to have copies of any financial papers before you serve him with divorce papers. Make sure you do not keep these copies in the house.
My ex was told by me and our marriage counselor that his refusal to make even the slightest change in his behavior was going to result in me divorcing him. He ignored that.
We lived separately for a year before I served him with divorce papers, and even with the separation he still ignored the possibility of divorce.
He thought I'd "get over" whatever was bothering me and things would go back to what he thought of as normal.
When I had him served with the divorce papers, he said he felt blindsided. He quickly became even more verbally abusive than ever, and Cowgirl Kathi convinced me that NO CONTACT was the only way to go.
I had already spent many hours in Staples, copying every paper I could find, just in case, and I moved my cherished momentos out of the house, just in case. I had also researched lawyers and decided on the one I wanted to use. I had access to a friend's house nearby, just in case, and I kept some clothes and personal articles in my car, again just in case.
I know it's scary to hear about the things you have to be prepared for, but don't let your fear make you avoid taking care of yourself.
All of these suggestions were given to me by my friends on DS, and I am so glad I listened (well, most of the time, anyway!) Any time I tried to be amicable with the ex, he became verbally abusive, so any contact with him was just encouraging him to think that I wasn't really going to go through with the divorce. When I posted these incidents on DS, everyone reminded me that NO CONTACT means NO CONTACT!
The ex and I ended up doing a mediation agreement, so we would not have to go to trial, but we did it in separate rooms, each of us sitting with our own lawyer, and using a neutral mediator (who was also a lawyer) to relay our decisions to one another. It took 8 1/2 hours to hammer out this settlement, and the ex fought me over the most ridiculous things, so you need to be prepared for that.
As CowgirlKathi said, the more you educate yourself, and the more detailed your plan is, the better the end result will be for you.
((hugs))

Laying "it out and see if " he decides to strike in retaliation sounds like a death-wish. And while still residing under the same roof with a spouse who knows your past filing attempt, he may be on to your secrecy. Your clue is to any disclosures and statements from your spouse for dissolution of the marriage. It can be said that when all the emotional rocks have been turned over, you're ready for divorce. If this decision is one-sided, your options are limited to secrecy with your attorney for pre-divorce planning.

At least take advantage of another consultation at a lawyer's office. I can guarantee that there will be trouble in splitting the property and retirement. I actually know of a couple here that tried the amicable route. There was still two different opinions about retirement accounts and they had to go to attorneys to settle it for neither one was budging.

As mentioned, you need your ducks in a row before you try to feel him out to see if he will go bad. If he goes bad and you are not prepared, you will take a hit, both monetarily and emotionally.

Good luck in what you do. Get a consultation and take what paperwork that you can to help lay out your case.

OMG! This is going to be a much bigger mess than I anticipated. When I consulted a lawyer 5 years ago, all we did was discuss whether or not I had a case (I did) and how much it would cost given the best case scenario. He even gave me a greatly reduced rate on the retainer because he felt sorry for me and my situation. We didn't really get in to much regarding particulars because I was mostly on a fact-finding mission to get an idea of whether or not divorce was even a feasible possibility--which it wasn't. It took me 10+ years to see the situation clearly, realize I've done everything I can to repair the damage I had caused, finally stopped accepting full responsibility for all of it, and finally become convinced that I DO deserve to be happy. Well, maybe not totally convinced. Yet. But I want this done and over with ASAP before I start wavering too much.

For some strange reason, I thought I would be able to get everything wrapped up more or less neatly once I got things going. Where did I get THAT idea??? It would be a lot easier to just run away. I'm sure my H wouldn't mind at all if it didn't cost him anything.

I certainly do not advocate the idea of "running away" unless your life is threatened by physical abuse.

I get a sense that recovery from any transgressions on the marriage which was done, still is a strain and not resolved. He is not convinced....maybe never! That's the key of needing the confirmation if he is blocking recovery. The truth of his motives then becomes evident- you may be better to call it quits, even on his behalf.

First, sending a hug. My divorce cost - it does probably in the tune of in the end 8,000.00-9,000.00. My lawyer had thought that we'd be able to do it given the scenario for the original retainer or a little more aroudn 3,000.00. Got to say -- she didn't know my ex (fact, is I didn't know who he'd become truly anymore) and the wiliness and lengths he'd go to to hijack money. My ex is also very controlling and aware of finances. Some of his suggestions -- and a ploy that we could work it out -- would have had me very confused, and not have ended things equitably. There are way too many emotions too that go through in dividing assets without some sort of neutral party.

So don't run away -- move forward with your life. I'm not recommending something on the internet -- because there are so many twists that can come along and a good attorney can help you with anticipating things and in getting them clearly spelled out in the settlement and decree. Knowing the character of your spouse is important in doing this. There is much more spelled out in mine than may be in others b/c I knew there would be hidden assets, or costs he would avoid associated with the kids. In the end, he surely came out somewhat financially better as I truly support more of the costs of the children, medical, etc. but I do have my sanity and my world isn't eggshells anymore. Priceless.

Interview several lawyers. Let them know your needs and my lawyer always asked what I anticipated and how I anticipated my husband would react to either proposals, or various actions. In the end this was useful in helping us deal with him and his attorney and getting this done. All came in useful.

My experience -- if you're dealing with a financial control freak (not just thrifty but controlling -- had to argue to get my kids braces good lord and we both had fine jobs)-- don't try to work an amicable internet thing. There's nothing amicable about it, and a control freak does not have your interests at all in mind. It's more mine, mine, mine and how can I stack this to my advantage. I wanted it to be neat and tidy too. Just hang in there.

Even when both parties agree to divorce, things can get messy and angry in what seems like overnight. In a long term marriage, one of the hardest things to do is change your thinking that you have to tell him/her everything or "run it by them".. DON'T! You are getting divorced, you are not enaged to him and should not tell him what your plans are, other than general. If you need mediation, a lawyer will tell you if you do and if you need it. Some lawyer don't want pre mediation if they think you will go to trial..showing your poker hand and all. I find that the people who say oh, we have it all worked out, become the bitter divorces.. not always, but often.
Get a lawyer. Even if you work out most of the details on your own, very few people can divorce themselves, or use the internet. That is for short term marriages with no children, little or no assets. By default a long term marriage should have financial assets and property.
People ask me all the time if I did my own divorce, and I am not an attorney.. I say, " the ex counted on me doing it, save money and I am so smart, blah, hlah" I let him think I would do most of it, and I did some it.. but the minute he started getting unreasonable and the words" it is all my money" came out of his mouth.. I got a lawyer, the best. I did not retain him until after we did after we filed, but he was there for me behind the scenes for the whole summer. I am fortunate, he never charged me and he is very ethical, he did not take a retainer until I hired him, and then he by formal letter of appearance to the stbx, informed him. He said that he always informed the spouse in divorce case by formal letter! The sbtx was really angry at that..

Get a lawyer, don't tell the stbx is my advice. Many lawyer have a free consult, and if not, money well spent to tell you rights and how it works in your state and your situation. No matter what any one says, each divorce is the same, yet different. If you are thinking along the lines that you wrote, and you know him and how he acts.. get a lawyer. HUGS

Sorry for the typos.. working and writing at the same time!

I can almost guarantee you will NOT know this person you are divorcing. They seem to have a personality change and are unrecognizable. Wishing you the best.