Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
As i'm busy planning and shopping and packing for my trip to Disneyland next week i'm becoming overwhelmed with all these different feelings. How am I going to feel being at the " Happiest Place on Earth " without the one person that I thought made me the most happy in the WORLD? How are the kids going to feel being there without their dad? This is our FAMILY VACATION TRADITION. But this year a big part of our family is missing. But what makes a family? For us " old timers" well i'm 46 but still old school, it has always been, The Husband, The Wife, The Kids, The Pets. Alot of us going through this journey has at one time or another asked the questions Why am I crying over him still? Why does it still hurt? When will the Pain go away? When will my happiness return? HOW LONG WILL THIS LAST?????
For some of us I think it's not HIM that we miss but the IDEA OF WHAT OUR FAMILY WAS. How can we be a family without him? How will we do all the things we loved doing as a family if he's not here? I think it starts with realizing that a Family and a Home are simply a place WHERE LOVE GROWS............. If he chose to leave our Home and Family of LOVE than why do we have to stop being a Family? My family used to be A Husband, A Wife, The Kids, and The Pets. Now my Family is Just Me and the Kids and my dog Sofia. The Family may have shrunk in size but NOT IN LOVE!!!!!! By excepting that the Players may have changed but the Game remains the same has given me a sense of Freedom I have NEVER felt before. It's not him I miss it's just the IDEA of him. He NEVER really contributed anything to Vacations, Holidays, School Events, Sporting Events so what is it that has me stuck in my tracks sometimes. Why haven't I been able to meet anyone new yet?
The more I work on realizing that this is my FAMILY NOW and that even if I took our Vows to heart til Death do us Part and he took them as Til things get hard and I think there is something better out there. I can't change what he has done but I can change how I chose to live by the cards that were dealt me. A Family IS A PLACE WHERE LOVE GROWS. It can be a Husband and Wife, A Single Mom, A Single Dad, A Grandmother raising her Grand Kids, A Sister or Brother taking care of aging parents....... A FAMILY COMES IN ALL SHAPES AND SIZES. Appreciate the One You Have............
For some of us I think it's not HIM that we miss but the IDEA OF WHAT OUR FAMILY WAS. How can we be a family without him? How will we do all the things we loved doing as a family if he's not here? I think it starts with realizing that a Family and a Home are simply a place WHERE LOVE GROWS............. If he chose to leave our Home and Family of LOVE than why do we have to stop being a Family? My family used to be A Husband, A Wife, The Kids, and The Pets. Now my Family is Just Me and the Kids and my dog Sofia. The Family may have shrunk in size but NOT IN LOVE!!!!!! By excepting that the Players may have changed but the Game remains the same has given me a sense of Freedom I have NEVER felt before. It's not him I miss it's just the IDEA of him. He NEVER really contributed anything to Vacations, Holidays, School Events, Sporting Events so what is it that has me stuck in my tracks sometimes. Why haven't I been able to meet anyone new yet?
The more I work on realizing that this is my FAMILY NOW and that even if I took our Vows to heart til Death do us Part and he took them as Til things get hard and I think there is something better out there. I can't change what he has done but I can change how I chose to live by the cards that were dealt me. A Family IS A PLACE WHERE LOVE GROWS. It can be a Husband and Wife, A Single Mom, A Single Dad, A Grandmother raising her Grand Kids, A Sister or Brother taking care of aging parents....... A FAMILY COMES IN ALL SHAPES AND SIZES. Appreciate the One You Have............
I do know adoptive children can be a challenge. I was a puzzle to my adoptive parents. Neither got past the 7th grade and I wound up going to law school and graduating. To them, this was a miracle; to me, it was part of my life. I appreciate the support and love they gave me through the process (well, at least my dad, my mom wanted me to get pregnant!).
Anyway, that's what I meant. Hope this helps.
Lynne