oh, I'm so sorry, some of us try and try to salvage a relationship and we're the ones who end up getting hurt. He has a sickness (alcohol) and no one can help him until he is ready, not even you. Don't be hard on yourself, you have his and your families best interest at heart and there is nothing wrong with that. Now the hard part kicks in, you've done this before, (probably many times) so get ready and stay strong. You and your family deserve better and he has had plenty of chances. The alcohol rules and you loose, again. Get tough and stand up for YOU now, this is your time to change your life and go after the things you want........freedom from his sickness, peace in your home and heart. And know you don't deserve any of this, you are just a woman who loves someone that is ill, you tried many times so you can truly move forward with no regrets. It will be hard, but many people on this site have done what you're about to do. Come here for help, support and advice.
Again, I'm sorry it didn't work out, he needs help and now it's time for you to move on with your life. Hugs and prayers to you!!!!

What were you planning, to give him a big dose of "love at all cost" while having the knowledge of your alcoholic H's girlfriend existence? You are gravely disillusioned to think /believe/achieve your family by assigning yourself the burden to fix your broken H. What you do know is confirmed, your outcome is proof YOU are not equipped to intervene on behalf of this disease. It is time you turn this over to the PROFESSIONALS. I'm sorry this did not work. This is about you now.

Hugs hulibee and dont be so hard on yourself. You haven't done anything that many of us haven't already done...myself included. Yougospam is right...now at least you know you have tried everything within your power to save this marriage...you can walk away with a clear conscious. That's how I chose to look at it. I didst leave a single stone unturned. Although it still hurt like hell I knew in my heart I gave my all. Tell yourself daily that you deserve so much better. You will be ok...this is your 2nd chance at living the life you were meant to live and you get to do it your way...Big Hugs...Kathy

a fool for love of family
makes you my kind of fool

i would have counseled you against taken him back
if i were in your shoes i very much may have been a similar fool

go easy on yourself

Don't beat yourself up for trying one more time. Now you will never wonder if it could have worked. It is not going to work and you definitely know that so do what you need to do to get free of this man. You weren't a fool for trying. I totally understand waiting and hoping that everything would work to keep your family together.

I stayed ten years too long and believed him when he said the next over seas assignment would be his last only to find he took another job away from home. With each new job out of the US my heart cracked a bit more. I could read his words but his actions were saying something else. I didn't see those actions until he had to come back home. I am building a new life for myself and you will too.

I'm with the others, my dear. You gave it your best shot. Don't beat yourself up for trying. Just pull yourself together again and get your legal and financial ducks in a row. We are all here to support you! xoxo

Like you, I kept trying. Like you, I had to learn the hard way when enough was enough, it was broken, nothing left to repair.

Now, like me, it's time for you to take care of yourself, financially, emotionally, physically. Like me, it's time to walk away knowing you did everything possible, to find comfort and pride in that.

Don't beat yourself up. Like me, you need to realize that acting out of love isn't foolish, it's soul serving and life giving, even if it doesn't work.

What's foolish is throwing away a life of love, support and family for alcohol and whores. He's going to have to figure his own way out of hell if he's going to do it. It's no longer your concern. You can't fix him, you can't fix the marriage, you can only work to put your life together in a new way and move forward. You can do that.

I'm sorry, it hurts, it sucks, it's a rotten deal, and there will be tears. But you will get through this, and it will get better. You did the work, he threw it away. Stand straight, know you did what was right, and get on with getting on. Big hug from one big broken heart to another.

(((Hullibee))) you know you did everything in your power to restore your family. You just can't change another person. It's his choice to be the way he is. It's your choice not to live with that. I'm so sorry it didn't work out. As the others have said, it's time to let him go with love and start living a much better life yourself.

Reach out to your friends and family. Keep yourself healthy. Eat properly. Drink a lot of water. Get some exercise. Tell yourself you can do this.

love and hugs
kamary

Echoing the advice of others here. You did everything you could to make the marriage work, but sadly, you are dealing with an alcoholic and they will take and take and never give in return.

As CGK said, it is time to get your financial ducks in a row. Please consult an attorney if you haven't already. In addition, many of us also recommend getting a counselor to help you through the emotional fall out of your marriage ending.

Don't be too hard on yourself. This may have been the push you needed to do what is right for YOU.

Sending loads of hugs! Be strong.

Unless an alcoholic gets well on their own there is nothing you can do. I agree with the others. It's time to move forward with your own life, find a great lawyer and counselor to help you through this. I have had to deal with stepsons' addictions and it almost caused me to leave. I cannot imagine what you'be been through, Hullibee. What I knew was that I desperately wanted away from all the drama and chaos of their addictions. I wanted PEACE in my life and that's what I want for you and you should want for yourself. I understand you wanting to hold your family together, but addictions are just too much.

I wish I could be there to hug you and hold your hand through this, but you are a strong woman and can do this! It won't be easy, but when it's over, you'll be amazed at how strong you'very become. For now, take care of business and take care of YOU.

Thank you all for your support and hugs.

I have one more nail in my coffin. I got suspended from my teaching job. I viiolated the morality clause in the contract. I'm off until the middle of January. Chalk this up to alcoholism too.

I will move forward. Ii contacted my lawyer and told him I will sign the divorce papers now. It will take two weeks. I then plan to move out of state. I need to get as far away from him as I can. I will miss my kiids and grandkids. I need to take care of me.

His alcoholism caused you to get in trouble at work? Seriously??

Yes hurtin. There was an incident at a bar. I said some inappropriate comments in public about him. Several people called my principal and told on me. I have a morality clause in my contract. My fault. I should have known better.

Hullibee, I'm sorry about this latest trouble. I understand your need to talk about your stbx and say what you want to say. Unfortunately, it can get us into trouble, especially if anger decides to come into the picture.

I also understand that need to run, and I know that need may be an off-the-cuff thing which will pass. Please allow yourself some time to think about your possible move and don't go in a hurry, ok?

I hope you can find another job. I hope you don't have to go too far from friends and family because they are your support right now. Would it be possible to go to a counsellor to whom you can let it all out?

Don't knock yourself too hard for this. No one's perfect. We've all had our moments.

love and hugs
kamary

I'm seconding Kamary's suggestion about getting some counseling and taking time to think about your move. Leaving your family could be a bit like cutting off your nose to spite your face. Leaving the love and support of them may compound things, and putting yourself in a different place on the map still isn't going to help you get away from your emotional connection with your husband. In fact, it might make it harder to work through it, by way of ignoring it, more damage done by him, inadvertently created by you.
After death and other trauma's, experts say to avoid, or at least delay, making any major life decisions, such as moving, selling a house, buying a large item like a car, and such. When we're overwhelmed by loss, it's hard to make sensible choices, and sometimes we can make choices that make things worse.

I'm sorry about your job. Are you able to appeal based on extenuating circumstances? Perhaps request a reprieve, a trial period, agreeing to seek counseling? Even if you have to wait until January, are you able to be re-instated then?
Sending you a big hug and hoping things turn up for you.