Tonight I sold our wedding rings to a friend who is a gemologist. I needed a little extra money for the deposit on this condo and I knew I couldn't ask my husband for it because he's coming up with first and last month's rent, so I sold our rings. He doesn't know about it but he never wore his ring anyway because of the machinery he works with everyday - too dangerous.

Selling our rings was not easy as it felt like truly the end. But after what transpired yesterday, I guess it is the beginning of the end now.

I did keep the diamond heart necklace he gave me for our 10th anniversary only because it's the only gold necklace I have to wear with my clothes. I did have it appraised too but I thought I'd just keep it.

I wrote in my journal last night that for the first time since actually Feb 18th when he told me he didn't love me anymore that I finally placed one foot inside the door of acceptance. I've have been trying all this time to save my marriage when all along he had no intentions or interest in saving it. I really thought we had a chance after we were getting along so good for the last 6 weeks or so - especially this past weekend. What a shock I got yesterday when he told me to contact my lawyer.

Tonight he came and removed all his deer heads (15 of them) from our lower level and took them to a buddies basement. This is huge because I thought he would put them in the basement of the condo and he didn't. You have to understand how important these deer head are to him to know the significance of him taking them somewhere else. This reaffirms to me that he won't be joining us in the condo. And quite honestly, I think I'm ok with that. Maybe I have 2 feet on the threshold of acceptance.

I haven't gotten the final word on the condo yet from the owner and that makes me a little nervous. I should find out definately tomorrow if we get it. Just one more hurdle to jump. I'm taking one hurdle at a time and before I know it I'll have finished the race. I'm looking forward to crossing the finish line and into happiness in the future. To me this condo will symbolize the beginning of my independence - my fresh start. I pray that we get it.

I am walking a thin line here though because I still have to be kind of nice because he's in control of my finances as far as rent and utilities. I don't plan on treating him with malice, but I don't intend on being the "friendly" ex-wife either. From this point forward I plan on treating this arrangement as a business deal.

I don't know when he will be filing for divorce, but I'm thinking it will be soon. I think I'm ready. It's still not what I want, but I'm coming to accept that it's a reality now. I'm going into this with my eyes wide open now and not hoping for the fairytale ending anymore. It is what it is and I cannot deny it any longer. It makes me sad, but there's nothing more I can do. What cracks me up is that all this time I was trying to save our marriage, did he truly think I was just wanting to be his friend. How thick headed is that. How can anyone who has told you they don't love you anymore after 23 years together expect that you would still want to be their friend. Duh - not !!!