Good for you Pickingup...you rocked that one!!!! Keep up the good work!!!

You just described my ex and how we met. I was working in one of my families bars when I met the ex. I wouldn't have a thing to do with him because he was with a bunch of jerks. From what my therapist says the ex studied me while he was in my bar and changed accordingly. He got info from the servers that worked for me. He started coming in without the drunks he had been running with. He seemed to be a really nice guy.

Like you when he found someone that he thought had more value He suddenly decided I was depressed and sad and made everyone around me unhappy. He was transferring what he felt about himself onto me. I was shocked because most people don't think that about me. Apparently he was having problems with his current GF or problems at work.

Your ex is probably a Narcissist. I was a challenge because I wasn't interested in getting married, He married his first wife to stay out of Vietnam and she was stupid enough to marry him. (his words, not mine)They had a child because they didn't take married men with children.

He valued the fact that I had more common sense than anyone he ever knew. Which allowed him to set up situations around my common sense responses to his work hours and my not working because I could save more money at home than I would make working.

This third wife is very highly educated. He values education. At least from her. For a Chinese national she speaks perfect proper English. Not some of the Southern words and phrasing I use.

Your stbx wrote this: You would always be a mess and never get your life together and would be a burden. Like my ex your stbx might have been describing what he was feeling about his life and transferring that onto you.

You are so amazing to get thru that meeting as well as you did. You are coming back to yourself and in time you will like who you are again and you are going to finish your schooling and thrive.

Trish9054, your words spoke to me. I am so sorry you had to go through what you did. It's like a kick in the gut, over and over. The anger I am happy to have; it's the other weak moments when I know one day he will regret it that really seems to bring me to my knees. One day, he'll get what he did and it would have been too late. I want to tell you something about education: it is only to be used help others, never as a tool to show off. I am sorry if your supposed Southern words didn't, according to your ex, translate into perfect English. You know what? I would rather talk to an intelligent, decent Southerner than spend one moment with a soul-less louse with credentials. Thank you. He's right about one thing: your common sense wisdom has helped me tremendously. So thank you

Never call yourself pathetic. Just don't. You've been emotionally injured and you are going to have ups and downs and times where you make

ok, not sure how the post got disjointed, but going to finish my thought.....times where you make judgement calls that are less then stellar, not necessarily the right move, okay I"ll say it, a MISTAKE. Well, so WHAT?

You're human! You're going to get down, then feel up up up then....down again. It's all part of the process. Don't be hard on yourself girl! You are so right when you say that it is YOU who hold the cards for your own life, has a bright future, is not bound to anyone and anything or anyplace. He has made his choices and now, he's stuck with them. For as long as it last anyway.

You don't have his sorry ass anymore, but you are not nor ever will be alone. You will become your own best friend as you heal and build your new life. New people will enter your life, you'll be astounded at how much things will change...for the better! There is happiness and self-love and, best of all, peace on the other side hon!

PickingUp:

You GO, girl! This was a big forward step for you! Use the memory of it and the power you felt to fuel you through to the end of this divorce and launch into your New Life!

Hugs all around you xoxo