My ex with go from being in a good mood and workable to being crazy and threatening almost instantly without any apparent cause. I figure she was either stressing out or throwing a childish tantrum. At first, it use to get me upset and even scared, but once I realize the reality of her real limitations, I realize her anger and words really meant nothing to me unless I wanted them to. It is all angry words that only have value in a court restraining order at most. Otherwise, court decided the final stuff, not their angry words or moods. My ex still pulls her stuff at times, but it no longer effects me behind trying to control my laughter. It can be funny in a way.

See you in court were the last words I heard from my EX. (((HUGS)))

This is quite normal...they believe the marital assets belong to them because they went out to work each day...they dont believe you have a right to those assets. Since he offered you a ridiculously low offer...you may do better going through the courts...which may take a while to do. I would go back to your original financial plan and tell him...final offer...see you in court.

We see this all the time. Your ex is showing you who he really is when it looks like he has to part with some of his money. Many divorces start amicably but very few divorces end amicably. Put your seat belt on...this could get ugly.

Try not to worry about this sudden turn of events. I know its hard not to but he truly is being predictable. Focus on what you need and take the steps to get there....do not let his behaviour shake you. This is your life and your future...you may have to fight for it...Big Hugs..Kathy

I was never worried for my safety, but was worried about how mad he got about money.

I only wanted what I was entitled to, and he of course didn't want to give me anything.

I had to remind myself that I would probably feel the same way if I was losing 50% OF everything.

Regardless of what is right on paper, you are dealing with his emotions and his fears, and his hatred of you for taking his stuff. Its wrong I know but its the reality of what's in his head.

Stop talking to him, he only talks when he thinks he can convince you to do what he wants. Court is expensive, but you will get what your entitled to.

he is probably being told by his lawyer what he will end up having to pay you, and he doesn't like it.

so maybe if he gets mad, you will back off.

don't let him get to you, stop talking to him. if you must communicate only do so with lawyer

((HUGS)))

I cannot afford this to go to court. I have no way to pay for it.

I couldnt afford to either...I had to remortgage my acreage to pay him out. Sometimes we have to get creative in order to get what we need. You could threaten him with him paying your court costs if he insists this goes to court. If you receive the marital home in your settlement you could remortgage to pay the court costs. My point is...there are ways to minimalism your costs. Talk with your lawyer about this. Talk to family members.

My ex also would be nice one minute and nasty the next. DairyTech is right--don't let his threats shake you. That seems to be standard operating procedure for people like this. My ex also made all types of threats--in the end, I got what I wanted.

As far as affording it--most of us couldn't afford our divorces. DT has made some excellent suggestions.

Sending hugs of strength.

Wow, they must have ordered the same step by step manual. My ex was like that from the start. He said that he was not going to give me what I wanted. I was lucky, because he stopped talking to me from the start and he lied to his lawyer big time. I got what I wanted. Half of the house and an equalization of the RRSP (personal pension plan in Canada). He was livid. My answer to his threats, that is nice and what do you want me to do. Hold on to your hat, it will be a very rocky road to travel. I took out a line of credit and a credit card that earned me free grocery points, until I got my settlement. I was able to build up my credit rating too.

i didn't have to go to court - we settled, but then again we didn't have anything except 401Ks, a house underwater because of the real estate decline and bills. My lawyer cost me $3,000.00 - I had to give my ex 40% of my 401K - and I got to keep the house and all of the bills associated with it. I'm still in the house for another 5 years is my guess. Until my girls move out - and the only reason I'm still in it is because of them and it was too overwhelming @ the time to uproot everything. My ex wasn't very nice about it at all - we split house contents and he kept coming to the house while I was at work and took things we didn't agree upon. He stole things IMO... and then lied about it. He's a vengeful person and not a very happy one - he was like that married and worse through the divorce. All he wanted was to be with his sweetie....and now he's living the dream LOL..

I had to file bankruptcy to be able to afford the mortgage. I had to borrow money from my brother to do it! My ex did pay child support for our youngest for a couple of years, but now that's over and everything is on me. Luckily, I have a decent job and was never a stay at home mom. I have always been in the work force.

Your case is different - Go to court. If he wants to go to court - Give the bastard what he wants. Put your big girl pants on, and fight for what's yours. You are entitled to 50% of EVERYTHING. If he has to beg borrow or steal to get it.

I can't remember if he's a cheater, but based on his response to you - he is... you might just not know it yet. Stand tall girlfriend - you have nothing but "right" on your side. (but I'd start looking for proof if I were you)

You'll figure it out - we all do.

Oh, and your worried for your safety because he said Go To Hell to you? LOL - you need to find those big girl pants quick!

No threats from her about custody or anything related to the kids,

$, oh yeah,
Started with "you'll get what I say" to "I'll hammer & drain you"
"I'll erase you"

Such a sweet girl she is

I'll erase you? Who is she Arnold Schwarzenegger? ha ha ha

His initial offer was ridiculously low, is quite typical. It shows he's not truly interested in an amicable settlement, but few actually are!! Rather than a threat, it may be your time to decide which OPTION you want as the "window of opportunity" might be closing shut. You did good influencing him to stay at the negotiation table. He's had time now to think he'd rather take his chances from a court order judgment! If the dollar value is equivalent , deciding which option or combination makes little difference. I'm hoping you and lawyer will make a revised offer and in his desperation he'll be ready to AGREE. Know judges will uphold every effort to keep you both from being thrown under the bus. Good luck!!!

Yes, my ex changed his tune when parting with money. There seems to be a playbook circulating out there somewhere. so many do the same things. Threats, off shore accounts, sneaking in to take things, complaining about my behavior when he is the one acting 2 years old.

My ex did not retain a lawyer, he represented himself and encouraged me to do the same. I retained a lawyer and stopped talking to him. That was a great relief. I encourage you to stop talking to him. Let your lawyer speak for you. Your H is being abusive, this may have worked during your marriage and he is working to control you. If it goes to court his costs go up too. A settlement is in everyone's best interest. Fingers crossed you reach a settlement. If not, know that you can do this. Get the best judgment you can.

KRK -- Arnold Schwarzenegger...can't stop laughing...

no Arnold may be the terminator, the eraser, a morally corrupt cheater, but he has a soft side

thnx i did find it funny