Get out, make new friends, have some fun....Just be careful how far you go...you are in a place where you probably aren't ready for anything long term, and your dates need to know that. I got too close and panicked...that hurts both people, and you certainly don't want to hurt anyone.

I, too, live in the south...bible belt. Even though I knew my ex had probably cheated on me and was definitely a pedophile, I didn't dare even go to a gym unless it was "women only". I waited until the day the divorce was final to even join a single's Sunday school class. I didn't want to do ANYTHING that would embarrass my children or make me be like him...a two timer in God's eyes either. I went to a single's function at the Civic Center and three men asked for my phone number. One started going to church with me, but I soon realized he wasn't for me. I've dated men from my church, but after several months, they became extremely jealous and I don't need that either. I want a balanced man. Yes, we do carry baggage as do they, but I've gotten help for mine. I've learned to just listen to my gut. When I saw these men touch their teenaged daugthers on their thigh, that sent me through the roof because I was looking out to see if they were pedophiles. They said I was comparing them; however, one of them compared me to his former wife and feared I'd cheat on him. Dating can also be fun...a way to get to know others, have someone care about you, but you have to care about YOU first! I'm not going to settle for just a warm body. I now know what kind of man I want and will wait for God to send him to me. I thought I'd found him last year, but got scared and pushed him away. Then, I had regrets...huge regrets, but who knows, maybe God knows something about him that I don't know. His divorce wasn't yet final and that scared me. He's much younger than me...I'm 54 and he's 39. However, I feel I can compete with a 20 year old! He said so also and that his daddy is married to a woman his age and they're very happy. He got angry after I broke it off for the 4th time, and now he won't talk to me. He's Puerto Rican and sometimes I'd ASSUME something he'd say or do, and got scared and ended it only to realize I think I made a huge mistake because I can't stop thinking about him...daily. He's doing the right thing by his soon-to-be ex by making certain she's taken care of financially. He's ashamed his marriage didn't work out because they have values like mine...marriage is supposed to be forever and you're supposed to be a virgin before you get married. He's a great daddy too and that's high on my list and the passion...it is true what they say about latinos! Men my age don't seem to be able to keep up with me...no offense for you other guys, but I'm a very young at heart kind of gal...I don't dress in a matronly way as that isn't my style, I can dance all night, and am never going to let this black hair go gray. Yes, you do find out who your real friends are...most of mine are married; however, so they don't have time for me. It's just a different world. I prefer the married world, but to the right person. Give it a shot...whether it be at a church where there are other singles and also have a divorce recovery group where they teach you a lot about divorce. I served on the divorce recovery group as a facilitator for one year. I loved helping others rebuild their self-confidence. You're not going to find "Mr. Perfect" as there is no such thing so don't put that kind of pressure on a man. Also, men hate details. Save that for your women friends as we need them. I've learned so much and am still single, but I'd rather be single and happy than married to someone who is making my life miserable and I'm stuck. When I remarry, it will be for the last time so I'm being very careful. Hope this helps.

So true that we all go through our healing at a different pace, some are able to go into another realtionship early and it works out. I thought the standard 'wait a year' was some magical number. I met someone who was what I thought opposite of my ex of 30 yrs. What I've learned in the past 2 1/2 yrs that it is about me.
I know I still need time for me, to discover what it is I want. I'm no longer defined by how someone loves me but how love myself. Counseling helped me forgive myself for not listening to my 'gut' all those 'red flags' that cost me my home and much of my life savings.
Life goes on and it's up to me to make each day count. I'd like to find that special someone one day, I've never kown what it is like to date more than one person. There's so much to experience, part of me is excited and a great part fearful. When it's right it will come, in the mean time I'm enjoying my family and friends. Living with my parents who are both nearly 90 has given me a wole new perspective on life. This past week my father had a mild stroke, I know my mother is unable to care for herself alone should something happen to my father. I believe God does have a plan for me and right now I am where I should be. With the longevity in my family who knows I still could be around another 20 yrs easily.

Work like you don't need the money.

Love like nobody has ever hurt you.

Dance like nobody is watching.

Sing like nobody is listening.

Live as if this was paradise on Earth.

I am 47 and married for 23 years and also have no idea how to get back on to the dateing scene or even want to after what my husband has done--but I know in the future I will want to find someone to love or just for the company -it is a scarry thought wished there was and expert to tell us how to date =where to find a date and what is expected on a date in this day and age

but I think your state has the right idea there should be consequences for adultry--if someone wants a devorce they should get it first and then seek out a new relationship -not seek out a relationship and then get devorced leaving your spouse and kids devestated, and bewildered. In my state there are no consequences for cheating.

we have maintainace not spouce support

I agree with the adultry law too. If this was enforced it sure would save a few broken hearts and a lot of embarrassment for both parties. My H would have more offenses than I care to think about which makes thinking about dating an impossible task for me. I don't know if I could trust anyone ever again. Right now I have trouble trusting the people who I know could never hurt me the way he did much less get involved with a stranger. No, I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone but I have a lot of damage to repair first.

I've thought about this trust thing. When I was in the beginning stage of divorce I didnt think I would be able to trust again. I realized that for me...trust in another person was really all about me. My inability to trust another was more about my not trusting my choices. I felt..rightfully so. The man I chose to spend 24 years of my life with and raise 2 children...let me down terribly. He lied and cheated for the last 10 years of our relationship. I had to take a really hard look at the situation and came to the conclusion that if what he has done is all about him and not me...why would I not give trust another try. All the books and the old timers here all say this. It not us its them. I could not justify tagging all men with the same brush as my ex. Yes he hurt me, yes he betrayed my trust, yes he did and said some terrible things and treated me poorly but I held fast and true with my commitment and honored his trust. It was not me...it was him...its his to own...not mine. I am so grateful I worked through this...I feel my heart is free to open up again...and it has. I have met a wonderful man and feel I am able to reap the benefits of all that hard work. If you allow your heart to stay closed...he wins again. The best revenge is living well and finding happiness without them. Hang in there...Big Hugs...Kathy

Thank you Kathy...you gave me something to think about and to work on. I guess you are right about trusting in another person is really about me. My choices were not good ones that is for sure and maybe the whole trust thing stands on me forgiving myself. When I think back on circumstances of our marriage, things that were said and done, I find it hard to believe I made the choices I did. I almost said "and the choices I am currently making" but I realized I really haven't made any choices, I am in limbo because I haven't made up my mind on how to proceed. I have a lot to think about and unlike in the past I do not want to be hasty with my decisions. I want to be sure of myself before I go any further. Right now I am just trying to concentrate on healing and getting over the hurt. This has to be done before I can open my heart to anyone else. And believe me HE HASN'T WON YET!

Duvall shared:

"I'm no longer defined by how someone loves me but how love myself." I can't tell you Duvall how helpful that was for me today. I just needed to hear that and it's something that' in my post divorce healing I've known and talked with my therapist about but it's brought it back to where it needs to be. Thanks Cat

It's taken me 50+ yrs to find comfort within myself. I am responsible for my feelings, no matter what others have done. It doesn't mean I don't get pissed off that someone so evil can take advantage of not only myself but others. I have no idea what is ahead of me, I'm facing bankruptcy and I do find myself feeling frustrated that it's going to take a long time but then I stop and think where will these feelings take me. I've been living one day at a time and turning as much as I can to God.

I am nervous about starting to date since it has been more then 20 years for me. I would like to meet someone casually, maybe at first maybe someone I can be friends with so I wont have those first date jitters. I like that comfortable stage of a relationship not the first date does he like me where is this going kind of thing. I am just nervous about the whole thing, but I really do want to find someone again who will care about me.