If just six months ago someone would have told me that I would be happy, not think of my ex hardly at all, and be truly grateful that he is no longer part of my life (not just the mantras I tell myself to heal), I would have said "No Way!" But, thus it is so!

Before I say anything else, I want to make clear that I am not at all advocating jumping into a new relationship before you are truly ready. But, once you begin to get a little curious and start thinking you might be, give it a try. Start slow, meet a variety of people, and then when you find someone you click with, try it out. You don't have to start picking out china patterns. In fact, I highly recommend that you keep marriage as far away from your thinking process as possible. Just enjoy each and every minute and allow yourself to experience all the nuances of being with someone new. It's scary at first. You feel very vulnerable. But, ask yourself, what's the worst thing that could happen? The relationship ends? So what! You've already experienced the worst possible pain (except the death of a child). You've already worked hard to heal yourself and build a new life. It's kind of like playing a board game. Sometimes you get sent back to the beginning, but playing the game is still enjoyable.

I've learned that much of what I blamed myself for in my marriage was not entirely my fault. I know this for certain now because I have finally experienced aspects of a relationship the way they are meant to be shared. Having been married so young and never having seriously dated anyone other than my ex prior to now, I simply had no idea. I was beating myself up for a lot of things that, remarkably, were just not my fault. I now see things from a totally different perspective. It's very freeing. I can finally forgive myself for all the perceived failures I wore around my heart like a noose.

And, I learned that it's okay if he isn't perfect. I'm not either - far from it! I wanted a tall man, and he's just barely taller than me. He doesn't fulfill my whole wishlist, but he does where it counts. I've learned to let go of some of the "wants" on my list that, as it turns out, don't really matter. Instead, I've found that what truly matters is how I feel when I'm with him and how he treats me. But, even then, I know I'm responsible for how I feel about me, and nothing he says or does can ever truly change that. I don't give my power away anymore. I love the new me, and I'm grateful to have the opportunity to give her a test drive (so to speak)!

I must respectfully disagree with all the classic advice on not jumping into a new relationship until you are fully healed. I didn't feel fully healed, but I felt ready to try a new love. It has been the best thing I could have done for myself. I am finally letting go of the old memories from my marriage while I make new ones with my new man. That isn't always easy, but it's worth it to stay focused on the happy, new memories. I now understand how it's so easy for someone to leave his/her spouse for someone else. Having someone new does significantly help to remove attachments to the old. This explains so much about my ex and how he could walk away from 30 years together. I recently read an article on this phenomenon, and it said that getting over someone is a lot easier when you have a new someone to spend time with. I have to agree!

I know that many of you share the same history - married very young and little dating experience. This experience has opened my eyes and my heart to a whole new world of possibilities. I understand things now that I never would have or could have before. I no longer care what my ex does, not one bit. And, now that I know what else is out there, I realize how much I lacked in my marriage. Oh, my, it was lacking! I think you get the gist. The point is that if all you ever taste is vanilla, you can never know how wonderful triple chocolate chunk can be!!

So, don't dismiss the possibilities of test driving a new relationship, even if you're not fully healed. It may be just what you need to finally shed the old and step into the wonderful world of the new!