Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
Another interaction with the stbx gone bad. I'm trying, or at least I was trying to get to a good co-parenting position with the asswipe of all time and once again he metaphorically kicked me while I was down. Shi*, he beat me, spit in my face and left me for dead!!! During our interaction, which was at times hostile and at times calm, he proceeded to tell me about how horrible a wife I was and how wonderful the OW was. He told me our 22 year relationship was horrible the whole time and when I asked if he felt that way why he stayed, he replied,
"If i'd have known what was out there, I wouldn't have (stayed)."
I honestly don't understand. Our marriage wasn't bad and I can't understand how someone I was so in love with could say such ugly things to me. Even if he's trying to make excuses for his actions, I'm not a mean or confrontational person and he certainly doesn't have to be like this. He's hurt me enough already, enough to be hospitalized in a mental health facility for a while. I really was a good wife to him (not according to him of course) but I was always there for him, I loved him, I supported him and I believed in him, so I don't get where the hate comes from. How can someone say something like that to someone you shared a life with and had 3 children with?
I've resolved that I'm done trying to "be friends" with him anymore. I'm not going to take it anymore. I just hate the animosity when we don't get along. I don't like the discord in my life and it really bothers my spirit. Has anyone else ever had something similar? I just need to try and understand and come to terms with all his ugliness. I'm obsessive and it's too hard for me to just say he's an ass and leave it at that. I feel like he's always saying ugly things and I'm always going back trying to get him to take it back because I think he can't possibly mean it. Is that crazy?
Our divorce is so complicated it's hard not to have to deal with him even though I have a lawyer. It's usually about the kids and they are stuck right in the middle. They are getting therapy starting next week, thank goodness.
Why do these "leavers" have to be so mean? Is my stbx being extra mean or are all these people as cruel?
"If i'd have known what was out there, I wouldn't have (stayed)."
I honestly don't understand. Our marriage wasn't bad and I can't understand how someone I was so in love with could say such ugly things to me. Even if he's trying to make excuses for his actions, I'm not a mean or confrontational person and he certainly doesn't have to be like this. He's hurt me enough already, enough to be hospitalized in a mental health facility for a while. I really was a good wife to him (not according to him of course) but I was always there for him, I loved him, I supported him and I believed in him, so I don't get where the hate comes from. How can someone say something like that to someone you shared a life with and had 3 children with?
I've resolved that I'm done trying to "be friends" with him anymore. I'm not going to take it anymore. I just hate the animosity when we don't get along. I don't like the discord in my life and it really bothers my spirit. Has anyone else ever had something similar? I just need to try and understand and come to terms with all his ugliness. I'm obsessive and it's too hard for me to just say he's an ass and leave it at that. I feel like he's always saying ugly things and I'm always going back trying to get him to take it back because I think he can't possibly mean it. Is that crazy?
Our divorce is so complicated it's hard not to have to deal with him even though I have a lawyer. It's usually about the kids and they are stuck right in the middle. They are getting therapy starting next week, thank goodness.
Why do these "leavers" have to be so mean? Is my stbx being extra mean or are all these people as cruel?
deleted_user
I am sorry for your hurt! I hate the people these ASSES become to protect themselves! It is difficult not to buy into their BS, but we have to stop listening! They avoid the "Man in the Mirror", but you know what...you know the truth...your friends and family know the truth! Somehow, we need to erase their cruel words and ways, get through these divorces and move towards happier days! You are a good person and a wonderful mother! Keep taking those steps forward and don't listen to the ASS!!!
deleted_user
my husband was the sweetest man. I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world. Never even yelled at me. I see now where that was his first problem. But because he told me how much he loved me (all the time) imagine my shock when he started giving me his "reasons" for leaving. I was shocked to learn he hadn't loved me for 15 of the 30 years, I embarrassed him in public,(to friendly), Spent to much time with the kids, I never worked outside the home, (so I was lazy), and the list went on and on. My initial reaction to the "list" was complete shock, and sadness. But now with distance I see it much differently. I see a sad and pathetic man who just had to justify his own bad behavior. I know it was painful to hear, but hes the jerk. Not you
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