Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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Chrissy614 01/15/2009

Got a text from my stbx today - he has permanently been laid off from his job. No income. No income means no spousal support. We were supposed to try and go to mediation in Feb. and I don't see that happening unless he finds a really good job, really fast.

This is really, really bad for me and the kids. I highly doubt we will be able to stay in our new home. I cannot afford it alone and I really don't know what my stbx's financial future is. This makes me very sad as we are very happy here. I love it here as a matter of fact.

I don't know what this means for our divorce as the final date for a decision has been set for March. If we continue with the divorce, which I'm sure he will, I may end up giving him support. Wouldn't that be a hoot - NOT!!! I don't make enough now.

If you have time, could you please send some prayers up to the Big Guy asking for a little help with this one. Just need help making the right decisions for me and my kids right now. They've gone through so much already.

Thanks everyone.

pemdcat 01/15/2009

Sending them up right now......keep that chin up, and this is just my opinion but I would not back off now.....we both know that in the end the divorce will happen.....you have come this far don't turn back now.....If you have to give him support oh well, when he gets that next job just take it back to court and get it changed......but it is the housing thing that really sucks.....about the time you get things settled the rug bets pulled out from under you again....well just get back up and atart again one foot in front of the other.....is about all one can do...I have seen your strength and you can do it...it will bw hard but you are harder....

pemdcat 01/15/2009

oh the flippin typos

deleted_user 01/15/2009

Chrissy, I will certainly be praying for you and your kids.

He'd have to be a major loser to ask for, and take, support from you. If he's any kind of father at all, he'll get out there and find something else, no matter what it is.

hurtinandhealin2560 01/15/2009

He should be able to get unemployment benefits and child support can be taken from that. I know because my stbx went through that about 10 years ago.

Talk to your attorney asap.

Hugs.

KatieBee 01/15/2009

Oh honey I am so sorry. I am praying for you. You know I love you - and things will work out. Everything has a purpose and I know you will be all right. I am hugging you.

deleted_user 01/15/2009

I'm praying for you too. For his income do they look at what he potentially can make when they figure all of the financial stuff out? I know its hard to get a job now a days (I tried) but he will be able to collect unempoyment. Maybe you can hang on to the house until he gets a job

Chrissy614 01/15/2009

I'm like a Weeble - Weeble's wobble but they don't fall down. Remember that? Just have to keep swimming. That's all I can do for now.

deleted_user 01/15/2009

Praying for guidance for you and that you will turn your worries over to Him. Praying you find some peace tonite. Good does eventually come out of bad, difficult situations, right? Just a pisser that we don't know what the good is while we are enduring all the hardship.

MsTerey 01/15/2009

Chrissy,

The chances of judge ordering you to pay maintenance to your ex are nil.

I will be thinking of you. Maintenance is modified or put on hold if the payor loses his/her job. Even if you are already divorced and the order is in effect.. I try not to go there in my mind.

The judge could divorce you, and then leave maintenance "open" to be revisted at time of ex's re-employment. All as usual depends on your income, his income and how long you were married.. Hugs

deleted_user 01/15/2009

I am so afraid of everything crumbling down on me too chrissy. That is why I decided to go to school for nursing. That way if I stopped receiving support I could still support myself. Never thought I would be going back to school though. Damn student loans again.

deleted_user 01/15/2009

Praying and I'll keep praying. You will be fine. As for the ex 2 be. I'm just thinking kharma. Talk to your lawyer about what happens after a long term marriage and then the spouse loses or quits his job. Something has to be done to secure your future. He will get another job someday. Don't worry about him, not that I thought you were.

I know you are going to be fine Chrissy. I just know it. You have a good heart. You are beautiful, kind, loving, healthy, and employed. You have many blessings and more are on the way! Keep your goals in sight. You are going to be fine!

deleted_user 01/15/2009

I am sorry for you and for your children. Don't panic. Take it one step at a time. Houses are just houses. Chrissy614 YOU are home. You are what your children need no matter where it is. As long as everyone is safe and healthy things will be all right. I will be praying for you..

deleted_user 01/16/2009

Chrissy, I'm so sorry... Keep the faith. Sending up a prayer,
L

deleted_user 01/16/2009

I'm so sorry. When it rains, it pours. This will get better.

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. Hugs my friend.

deleted_user 01/16/2009

Oh my goodness. Bless your heart. I just can't imagine moving again on top of all the emotional stuff you've just gone through. My X could have taken me for spousal support but I knew he wouldn't. The lawyer I said told me that men rarely take it unless the wife had the affair. Praying for you, my friend. Some good advice on this column.

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